Cath Rackstraw Counselling

Catastrophic news is never well timed. But somehow at this time of year it feels even worse.
How can we be there for others in their time of catastophe?
The very wise Julia Samuels addresses this so well below

https://www.instagram.com/p/DRjP6NEDKOO/?igsh=MzRlODBiNWFlZA== #

When catastrophic news hits, there is nothing you can say that will make it better but there’s a lot you can do that helps. The only answer is to show up exactly as you are, put the kettle on, say very little, and stay close. Presence over platitudes. Always. Swipe right for my thoughts 👉🏽✨

This is a useful tool in identifying the key steps needed to transform shame with self compassion.

If one is mired in shame, it is often difficult to find a way out of it. The very idea of being kind to oneself can feel undeserved and uncomfortable.

Please seek support to assist you if you are living with shame that is weighing you down.

An excellent summary from Dr Solomon highlighting the way our past influences our present in relationships. The first step in changing these dances, is to be aware of the patterns.

We are the sum total of the experiences that brought us to this very moment. The past comes with us. When we fall in love, our past gets stirred within us. ⁣
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There is NO getting around that. ⁣
It's necessary vulnerability. ⁣
It's part of the process. ⁣
It happens. ⁣
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The ONLY questions, is what will you DO when your past is stirred~~ when ghosts from long ago threaten to shift you from open to closed, from loving to afraid, from calm to controlling. ⁣
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The most important quality to look for in a partner is someone who can sit with you in that stir... ⁣
your stir AND their stir. ⁣
Choose someone who is ready, willing, and able to recognize when their past takes the wheel and begins to drive. ⁣
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You will be, as my brilliant friend Esther says, cast in a play that you didn't audition for. That is going to happen…⁣
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You'll ask him to throw the laundry into the dryer, and you'll watch him bristle. ⁣
And you won’t know why. ⁣
And the question is this: Can he be courageous enough to PAUSE, turn his attention inward, and figure out why your request triggers him? ⁣
Can he say some version of this: "Ahh... it's my childhood wound getting in our way again. You know, one in which I 'cast' you in the role of my demanding father in whose eyes I could never measure up. That's not what you're doing, is it? You need some help. You feel stressed out. I can help. Here I am. Here for you." ⁣
And you will both exhale.⁣
And connection will be restored.⁣
And the little boy who felt like he never measured up recedes to the background and the empowered adult reaches for his partner in the service of love.⁣
And you will say, “Thank you for owning your piece of our dance. I commit to doing the same when the little boy/girl/child who lives in me gets stirred.”⁣
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(Choose the pronouns that fit the protagonists of your love story 🥰)⁣
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That's the best we can do.... work again and again to liberate ourselves and our partners from wounds we didn't ask for but are tasked to heal.