AK1200

Next weekend!!

I don’t want to wait until you’ve gone to tell you I love you. I wish I kept a better count of the moments in my life that helped make me who I am, but it was all from the time and guidance of others throughout my lifetime. All of my peers, all the influences musically who later became friends. I spent so much of my youth in England, learning everything I could and absorbing the experiences with a relatively small circle of people who took me in and accepted me as one of their own. My god, how lucky I have been in life to be at the right place at the right time, for so much of my professional life, from the very beginning. Even the people who I will always admire but maybe don’t even acknowledge me as anyone special to them, just some American who has been around as long as they can remember, but never did too much.

All of these things that keep happening around us, around me… They are doing my head in. I feel so grateful that my own health battles seem to have been won, or well along the way. But so many people around me, such huge inspirations, far better people than me being taken too soon. It’s so much to unpack and work out in my head. It’s hard not to just discount your own merits and feel as if you’ve somehow just squeaked by getting lucky all your life, maybe not deserving your place. But you know the struggles you’ve had and how difficult it’s been to not constantly let others down in some way.

F**k, it’s just hard to process. I wish I could tell so many people exactly what they mean or meant to me. If you knew me throughout the years, just know I hold you in my heart. I appreciate you even though I don’t or haven’t told you, or maybe I have. I care about those stupid little moments where we were doing nothing special but somehow it became a moment that helped define me or us in even the smallest of ways. I love the music more than life itself, I grew to hate the shoddy things inside that made it feel cheaper. I still have every moment with all of you. And please know how grateful I am and how much I appreciate the chance to have been who I got to be. And thank you for letting me in.

I say my best version of a prayer for no longer having you to speak to. Partly one of sorrow for the loss to all of us, and partly one of gratitude to you for getting the chance to be included in your wonderful journey. Will always love you as much as I humanly can for everything you’ve given not just me, but the world. This is to all of you, past, present, and future. ❤️