the.jake.strain

Feeling like a DPS class rather than a Tank rn lol

I don't remember the last time I did a post like this, with a selfie as the primary component.

Feels odd haha

However, I have been in a deficit for a few weeks now and I am seeing some cool changes! Now, I don't feel very strong at the moment but that’s okay. I use moments like these where I am happy with the aesthetic shift to keep my spirits a bit more elevated when my performance is not top notch.

Something that is a really big deal for me, is that I have been off of major anabolic cycles for many many months now.

As many of you know, I am fully transparent about the fact that I currently use performance enhancers ( Testosterone ) and have used multi - compound cycles in the past during push phases where the goal is to add muscle tissue and progress bodyweight up.

That being said, at the moment I am on 300mg of Testosterone ( which is a GENEROUS maintenance dosage ) and I feel pretty darn good.

Just like anyone else, if I miss workouts and sleep like crap, I don't bust PRs amd feel grumpy. However, when things are a solid 8/10 on training volume, frequency, sleep, and energy balance ( viewed as a whole ), I am making slow progress relative to the exercise selection.

Have I been bigger?

Oh yeah.

Does it mess with me?

Yep.

Every damn day.

And that's the heart of what I want to say today. I am learning how to be grateful for health and progression in other ways. I know I still have a build that is considered exceptional by general standards. That doesn't do much when you have an inner ideal that always looks back at you, reminding you that you aren't enough.

BUT

Awareness is critical. I am a lucky man in that i have the ability to do this thing we call resistance training. I can go on walks. I have a market with whole foods and can keep myself nourished.

I have the CHOICE to lose bodyfat and will and not die from missing a meal or caloric reduction.

I am saying this for myself and perhaps for anyone else who may struggle when they are not at their best.

Gratitude is hard. So social pressure is hard. It's all good. I think it's supposed to be that way.

Not sorry. Jacked nerds are unstoppable