B-Awake

Today’s my birthday, and I’m feeling incredibly grateful to have made it another year. It’s a bittersweet occasion, though: I’m spending it in the hospital. I’ve been at war this thing for almost a year and half now, and it’s been fighting me longer than that, but I’m holding onto hope that this next year brings some peace.
I’ve got a lot of goals for the future, but the two that matter most right now are healing and making it to my next birthday. It’s been hard not being able to move around, create in the studio, perform, or feel like myself. But all I can do is be patient, focus on healing, and keep the faith that I’ll be back soon.
Much love to everyone who continues to show us support; it means more than I can express, both to me and . I’ve been through hell, but I’m choosing to make the best of today because I’m STILL HERE, and I’m still determined to prove the doctors wrong. 😤

My surgery was executed at UW Medical Center on the 20th. Unfortunately, like most of this journey, the outcome isn’t what I hoped for. The good news is they fixed my hernia and were able to cut out about 80% of the cancer, and I don’t need an ostomy bag. The bad news is they couldn’t get to about 20 percent of the cancer they detected. After 8 days in the hospital, I made it home ahead of schedule. I lost 20 pounds in one week. This is definitely the hardest thing I’ve been through yet. I’m pretty much going to be bedridden for a month and the process to rebuild my body is going to take some time, since I won’t be able to exercise for a while. The doctors are calling my cancer incurable now, so as soon as I start to heal I’ll have to make a decision as to whether I want to attempt to keep the cancer at bay by doing chemo, spending a bunch of time searching for alternative methods, or live my life to the absolute fu***ng fullest, put out my album and tour/travel around the world taking in beautiful moments with my wife . According to the doctors, if I don’t do chemo or find a miraculous cure, I probably have about 1 to two years to live, give or take. Chemo can maybe buy me an extra year. Nonetheless, my message is still the same. I’m going to live and go out on my feet and not my knees and this hell will never break my soul. Thank you for all your prayers and well wishes; it’s never personal if I don’t respond. Much love.