Ravenspeaker

I am going to try and mention something that got me in some hot water a couple weeks back. Such things only matter to me when I can't figure out how it happened. I think I got a clue in this instance.

Every man can think of at least one guy, probably several, who is NOT impressive in anyway a man could understand; yet his girlfriend is the most desirable woman in the room. Every man has asked himself: how did that happen? While much is said about subjective beauty and the eye of the beholder and all the rest; there is still such a thing as OBJECTIVE beauty and it's on the rare side without being terribly scarce.

What I realized is that men and women go down different checklists when deciding who to be excited about.

I have mentioned the show Heart Signal previously. As a logic based decision maker I find it helpful when writing characters in my stories to study how emotion can lead to decisions by watching Korean Dating shows. Culturally Koreans are much more expressive emotionally and the women are far less hesitant than American girls to express interest. Perhaps this is because her parents have to approve of the guy before things get too far but I am not sure.

The most "unimpressive guy" in these shows often gets one or more total beauties completely excited about him. I don't mean interested, I mean full blown, will do anything for you, crushes. At first I couldn't understand it, the Pilsbury Doughboy rarely has much personality either so why do these super models ignore every other guy in the room including your stereotypical bad boys and muscle dudes to go all in for Elmer Fudd?

What I picked up on is they give off other cues proving they are reliable, emotionally stable and ready to assist in an emergency. Men don't normally ask their girlfriends to come over and help move a couch or whatever. They get their homies for that. Not a cue men are looking for.

Reliability in emergent situations does seem to be a cue women look for. P*e Wee Herman down the street has a chance if he projects it.
Now, I got roasted for suggesting men do not choose women based on their job (a reliability cue if there ever was one). I got scolded for saying things I didnt actually say about women needing to stay home or some such nonsense. This was way more sensitive a topic than I thought it would be. I think a woman's job might say something interesting about her personality but it will be the personality not the job title that closes the deal for him.

The bank teller has just as much a chance with most guys as the manager or even the coroporate vice president. Her job title isn't the cue. Just like the out of shape dad bod having guy on all these dating shows ends up with someone who looks like she should be a member of Blackpink, a guy will date a woman who scoops ice-cream all day long just as quickly as the owner of the shop.

Now if I get in trouble for that I won't know what to think.

Your Friendly neighborhood Ravenspeaker

Public Statement: A dear friend advised me to finally make a statement about the incident that caused me to withdraw from my public life. I have decided to take her advice. Nearly eleven years ago someone I cared for deeply died. Virtually everything I was doing among the people died soon after. My only comfort and outlet became my children, teenagers at the time, and they and now my grandchildren became almost my entire social life.

By the time of the memorial service, several days had passed, and we became aware of a group of gossips telling each other fantastic stories about me and this person after her death. I couldn't deal with it. It was why I pulled away from people and just focused on being a dad. Today, I do not think I did the right thing. I have come to believe that walking away validated lies being spread about myself and her.

By becoming a hermit and reliable friend only to my children and grandchildren I did not do my duty to my community and share my gifts and talents where they might have found use. I also likely delayed my own healing by isolating myself and not tending to my open wounds. I have had a number of spiritual experiences in the past few months that have made me see all this differently.

I am declaring my intention to rejoin the American Indian/Alaska Native community. I ask forgiveness for being a rare sight and further ask patience as I cautiously reemerge into it. I will never defend myself against what never happened. I will answer any questions honest people have, but not publicly. If anyone has anything to say to me let them say it to me and not this person, that person and the other person besides. I don't want to give the gossips any details they can use to create more stories.

Thank you, and if you feel a need to know more you can message me directly. I repeat, I will not make any details public; nor will I confirm or deny anything that might be a detail in public. I have made this decision long ago to protect the honor of a deceased loved on.

Ravenspeaker

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