Allie Jayne Reed, LMHC

As a trauma therapist for women raised by emotionally immature parents, chronic anxiety is one of the most common symptoms I see.

Here are 3 things I see lots of anxious women with trauma doing (that they may not even realize), that's actually making their anxiety worse:

1) Thinking instead of feeling. Rumination functions as avoidance of painful emotions in the body. I promise the answer isn't thinking through your feelings, it's focusing on your body sensations & radically accepting the emotion's presence (regulation can come next! but almost always start here).

2) Over-functioning for everyone else. Many trauma survivors are shaped to be this way. That behavior shaping combined with the fact that over-functioning also aids in avoiding painful emotions is a recipe for anxiety because now it's reinforcing emotional avoidance & emotion phobia.

3) Treating emotions like problems to solve. Invalidating environments teach us to suppress, fear & judge our emotions. It's common to think, 'I'm having an uncomfortable emotion - there must be a problem to solve, either within my self or somewhere in my life'. That could be, but how will you know if you don't learn to experience & listen to the emotion & its message? Problem solving it before you learn how to experience it actually becomes fighting it, making anxiety worse in the long run.

If you do these things, please know it doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong. These patterns are common for a reason. These are actually adaptive behaviors that you picked up from trauma or being in an environment where your emotional needs weren't met.

The good news is trauma therapy aids in breaking these patterns, healing the root, and helping you learn that you can experience your emotions fully & feel more peace & joy. This means less anxiety & more enjoying life!

WA residents - If you're ready to heal your childhood wounds from emotionally immature parents & overcome anxiety, tap the link in my bio & schedule a free intro call w/ me!

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I'm a trauma therapist for adult children of emotionally immature parents. Here's what I've seen emotionally MATURE parents do differently (swipe!)...

Note that emotionally mature parents are not emotionless & they're not perfect. They self-reflect, experience their own emotions, regulate them without avoiding them, tolerate distress, & embrace polarity. They teach their kids important skills & prepare them to launch. They have repair skills, they're accountable, and they don't sweep stuff under the rug.

Life is messy. Parenting is complicated. They dance through this without rejecting the reality or hyper-intellectualizing everything. & when they screw up, they address it meaningfully.

Remember, emotionally immature parents struggle to experience their own emotions, tolerate distress, have high shame, emotion phobia & avoidance. Their dysregulation colors their cognitions, actions, and how they show up in relationships. It limits their capacity to hold space for their children's emotions or prioritize their needs. Individuality & emotional intimacy is threatening to them.

If you're ready to heal your childhood trauma from emotionally immature parents & overcome anxiety, tap the link in my bio & schedule an intro call with me!

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