Judith McFarland MFT

Is online therapy something you should consider?

Sometimes called tele-therapy, virtual therapy, or online counseling, meeting with a licensed qualified professional in the virtual world can allow a client who needs and wants help, but can't spare the time to commute in traffic to a therapist's office, or who doesn't have childcare, to receive high quality services.

Imagine sitting with your coffee or tea in the comfort and privacy of your home, and still being able to meet with a counselor who can help you to make the changes in your life that will take you (or you and your partner) in the direction you want?

In my practice I meet virtually with adults and couples who are California residents, since I am licensed to practice in California. If you'd like to know more about my services and whether online therapy might work for you, please take a look at my website; www.judithmcfarland.com.

Can a couple survive infidelity? Yes, they can. And they can survive with a stronger relationship then they ever had before.

Get some quality relationship therapy for help. How do you find that? Make contact with therapists. Ask if they've had specialized training in couples therapy post graduate school, and if so, how much? What percentage of their practice is couples? How do they work with couples in general, and with infidelity in particular?

Consider how you feel about their answers. Does it seem like a good fit? Try a session.

Remember; as a colleague once said, choosing a therapist is like choosing a pair of shoes. You may have to try on several pairs before you get the right fit.

Not everyone wants an "equal" relationship. Most people recognize that they are better at some things, their partner is better at others. They may call that "unequal".

However, most relationships between adults work best when both partners see each other as having generally equal power. What does that mean?

When an adult relationship follows a Parent-Child pattern, the person in the parent role assumes superior knowledge, decision making capacity, and power. The partner in the child role is taken care of, protected, maybe nurtured, maybe controlled and managed.

There is definitely a price to be paid for remaining a "child" in an adult relationship!

The area where this is often played out is money, which is a notable currency for power. A lack of participation in making decisions about the money often translates into resentment on the part of the powerless partner.

If you are not fully participating in decisions about money, why not?

Just a reminder about empathy; it's the capacity to recognize emotions that are being experienced by another person.

How do we know what emotion that other person is experiencing? In early infancy and childhood, before we can talk, we connect in various ways with the emotions we experience from our caregivers. Since we can't talk, we interpret what we see - facial expression, body language - and what we hear - tone of voice.

We put it all together and react. Smiles that go with a soft soothing voice and a relaxed body are interpreted as friendly, non-threatening, loving, welcoming, interested, etc. Yelling, tension, a tight, cold expression, turning away, etc. are interpreted as something like hostility. We make connections that we take into the rest of our lives.

A baby does not have the ability to check out those interpretations, but an adult does.

When you want to practice, try asking a person something like this; "It looks like that made you angry, is that true?" Or, "I can see that you are sad, what's going on?"