HealthyEnergy

I wrote this almost 2 years ago. This year I start my third year as an instructor, where I intend to attend a two day intensive course to gain an international certification in ski instructing. What a wonderful journey i started two years ago. It was as daring as it waa naive , but the learning has been incredibly satisfying. I've learnt so many emotional things, increased my skiing prowes and healed so much of me by daring to do this.

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I've just finished four days of intensive “Train the Trainer”training at Deer Valley - a posh ski resort here in Utah.

Throughout the four days, we were asked to do what I could only describe as oxymoronic. We were asked to push our bodies, and our skiing skills while simultaneously being encouraged to stay - or rather get - in touch with our inner child and have fun.

Fun? There were moments of fun, but then there were moments pure joy when I overcame deep fears within myself: feelings of unworthiness, or shame, and low self-esteem. All because deep down I didn’t feel I deserved a job that feels glamorous, and outdoorsy, and fun.

I was able to get in touch with a lot of this as I was challenged each day by my instructor to do better - to strive to be my very best - and when I felt I had, she pushed me some more. Then, as I practiced my practicum in front of her, she encouraged me to be playful, and use imaginative play, because that's how to be the best ski teacher for 3-6 year olds.

So, while I got better as an adult skier, I also got in touch with my inner child. It actually ended up being a truly spiritual four days for me, even if that was not my instructor’s primary intention. (Secretly I feel it was, but she couldn't be overt about it.)

I connected with Jacinta, my daughter (26) in a really beautiful way in the last few months. I just happened to send her some pictures of a childhood album on through Facebook messaging. So, she wanted the whole book, but that book was of the other kids, too . I then found an album just of her. So, after some discussion with her, I paid for a professional copy of the first pictures I showed her and then sent a package with the newly made book and the old album. I then remembered my vow to myself ten years ago. That I'd keep the memories of the kids as they grew up here. I was overwhelmed with emotions with those memories cause I'd kept my vow for jacinta.

When the mother took my children in 2013 across continents without my permission it was obvious she just wanted them to just forget their time here in the states.