Whole Life Family Therapy

Our children express their emotions, needs, and wants in many different ways. It is important for us as parents to tune into our child, notice what may be needed as a result of their behavior. Maybe they are hungry, tired, or just need a break. Sometimes this can look like yelling, throwing things or being demanding. Sometimes periods of acting out can also be linked with our child looking to connect with us. In these moments of big emotions, try to listen to your child, as well as encouraging that it is okay to express and name what they are feeling. We can validate the feeling but not the behavior “I see that you’re feeling angry. I feel angry sometimes too but I don’t want you to throw your toys. I wonder what else we can do with our angry feelings.” Moments like this teach children about emotional regulation by communicating their feelings in a safe and healthy way. 💙

Healing is not forgetting what has happened in our past, it is about finding ways to cope and deal with the trauma that we have gone through. Through healing, we learn how to better process the damage that has happened, to the point where we can move to a point where it no longer controls us. If you are needing further support, please visit our website💙

Imagine this: You arrive at your aunt's house for Christmas dinner and someone wants to hug your child but instead of reaching out their arms your child gives you the look, turns away or even verbalizes “ I don’t want to”. Maybe they are feeling a bit overwhelmed, shy or just tired from the amount of holiday social interaction. So what do you do? First, let them know that their decision is okay. We start modeling what our child should expect from a very early age and they need to hear that physical touch is a choice! Louder for the people in the back- physical touch is a choice! It’s not mandatory that we give out physical affection and should be a choice as it is as an adult. It is very important to not force our child to show affection towards others when they do not want to. This is a boundary that they are setting for themselves in that moment, and it is critical to respect that.

You can gently explain to the friend or family member to respect the approach that you and your child are taking. You can narrate their behavior to give them words they may not have yet “It seems like you may not be ready for a hug yet and that’s okay” offer instead for your child to blow a family member a kiss, give a high-five or even a goodbye or hello wave- “Maybe you want to blow your uncle a kiss instead or wave hello”. Respecting our children’s physical boundaries sends an important message- that other people should do the same! When you think about the perspective of the greater message of consent and how it applies to friendships, other adults in the world and romantic relationships later down the line, you can see why this one is a big one. When the child is ready- giving a physical hug will mean so much more knowing it came from their choice.