Keeping Animals In Recovery KAIR

October 2017 I found my voice... so I share my pieces of me for all of the voiceless victims still trapped in silence. I never tell it for pity, I only tell it for inspiration and hope. Of course by doing this , my healing continues and I thrive like never before. Secondly I hope to educate others with a first hand experience of trauma at the hands of a p€do.
This is how we expose the monsters game plan.

IT WAS NEVER MY FAULT!!!
Repeat that again!
I didn’t realize how much guilt I had till we started peeling back the layers of my childhood sexual abuse! For the first year of therapy I would say things that would lay the guilt and blame on myself , my T would catch it and immediately say to me “it was never your fault” sometimes I’d melt into tears but sometimes I’d just freeze because I couldn’t understand what he was saying. IT WAS NEVER YOUR FAULT! Such powerful words that I couldn’t say to myself and mean it. That first year I barely touched on much of my history of being abused. My T worked constantly on getting me to release the guilt I carried... at times I thought”ugh ok it wasn’t my fault , I get it!” But I really didn’t Believe it in my heart. Down deep I still carried this guilt. To this day I still catch myself feeling guilty.
This is a DIRECT RESULT OF GROOMING!

I wanted to tell! My god I wanted to tell every day, every conversation with a friend, every visit with family , every time I laid in that bed ,in pain feeling hopeless! I was frozen with fear! First he would tell me how much he loved me, would protect me and proud of me. Then as I got older and my instinct would tell me som**hing seemed wrong about it all he’d start saying ,”it’s ok , this is how daddy’s play with their little girls, I’m not going to hurt you trust me.” This shifted from bad to worse. One phone call from a teacher concerned that I was being abused by “someone” changed the narrative completely “ if you wouldn’t try to get attention from everyone, I wouldn’t have to do this to you!” Back then mandatory reporting didn’t exist and I fell through the cracks. I tried to stay invisible at school but then the 5th grade I got pulled aside by a teacher about the same thing but I lied and lied well because he’d mastered setting fear into me! He threatened me ,my family, my friends and me! I never told an adult besides my mom because I was scared! So I changed my approach at school , I became silly and always smiling. Seemed normal enough and I wore that mask well. But when I got home it was the Hell I was hiding , faced me again.
If you know someone who’s confided in you that they were abused, NEVER ask why they didn’t tell, why they didn’t stop it! It’s never that easy and you’re only placing the blame on the survivors!
IT WAS NEVER OUR FAULT!! Pedophiles treat this crime as their craft, their art ,their mission ...careful in every move to win the child over so he can use her/him for as long as he /she wants! Listen with sincerity and respect their bravery to open up! That alone is the scariest part of coming out of this horrible nightmare! If someone told you then you should feel honored that they trusted you with that!
Never for pity but for validation! 🦋