Josh Rojas Foundation

Yes.❤️

THE FATHER-CHILD RELATIONSHIP NEVER ENDS

Education & Validation

One of the ways bereaved fathers continue their relationship with their child is through Continuing Bonds.

To someone who has never experienced the death of a child, some of these actions may seem unusual. But research tells us something different.

In 1996, researchers Dennis Klass, Phyllis Silverman, and Steven Nickman introduced the Continuing Bonds Theory, which found that maintaining an ongoing connection with a deceased loved one is not only normal, but a healthy and necessary part of grief work.

For bereaved fathers, these bonds may look different than they once did.

Instead of spending a day with his son at the ballpark, he may spend a day tidying up his son’s resting place.

Instead of planning a birthday party with his wife, he may help decorate his child’s resting site with balloons, flowers, favorite colors, or meaningful mementos.

Instead of attending his child’s sporting event, he may attend a game in their honor.

Instead of taking a family vacation, he may visit a lake, park, beach, or special place his child loved.

Instead of making memories with his child, he may intentionally create memories because of his child.

He may volunteer for a cause that was important to his child.

He may establish a scholarship.

He may wear his child’s favorite color.

He may listen to their favorite songs.

He may cook their favorite meal.

He may eat at their favorite restaurant.

He may quietly talk to his child while driving down the road.

He may tell stories about his child to his grandchildren or surviving children.

These are not signs that he is stuck in his grief.

These are signs that he is still a father.

The relationship did not end.

It changed.

The love did not die.

It simply found a new expression.

Continuing Bonds gives bereaved fathers permission to continue loving, remembering, and honoring their child without apology.

Because healthy grief is not found in forgetting.

It is found in remembering.

And perhaps one of the most important things the world can understand is this:

A bereaved father is not trying to hold on to the past.

He is learning how to carry his child forward into the future.

❤️

Dr. Cali
Bereaved Mother
Bereaved Parents Advocate
Continuing Bonds Advocate
Grief Educator
Founder, Grief Bridge

💔❤️

WHEN A FATHER CAN’T FIX THE UNFIXABLE

Grief Education & Validation

There is a wound many bereaved fathers carry that is difficult to put into words.

Helplessness.

Fathers spend their entire lives protecting the people they love.

From the moment their child is born, something awakens inside of them.

An instinct.

A calling.

A God-given desire to protect, guide, and keep their child safe.

And then the unimaginable happens.

The one thing they never thought could happen…

Happens.

And suddenly they are faced with something they cannot change, undo, or fix.

For many fathers, this becomes one of the deepest heartbreaks they will ever carry.

The questions can become relentless.

Could I have done something differently?

What if I had called them one more time?

What if I had left earlier?

What if I had noticed something sooner?

What if I had said something different?

Even when there are no answers…

The mind continues searching.

Unending questions that relentlessly torture themselves because a father’s heart is desperately trying to make sense of something that will never make sense.

Many fathers quietly carry guilt that was never theirs to carry.

They replay moments.

They revisit conversations.

They retrace steps.

They search for reasons.

Because doing something often feels easier than accepting there was nothing they could have done.

But sometimes there was nothing to fix.

Sometimes there was nothing to prevent.

Sometimes tragedy simply entered their lives uninvited.

And that is a painful truth to accept.

To the bereaved fathers reading this…

The death of your child was not a measure of your love.

It was not a measure of your devotion.

And it was not a measure of your ability to be a good father.

You love your child.

You did the best you could with the information and circumstances you had at the time.

Your child’s life was never defined by one moment.

It was defined by a lifetime of love.

Please be gentle with yourself.

The father inside of you is still trying to protect the child he loves.

That instinct never goes away.

The love never goes away.

It simply has nowhere to land.

And perhaps that is why the ache remains.

Because a father’s love was never meant to end.

❤️

Dr. Cali
Bereaved Mother
Bereaved Parents Advocate
Grief Educator
Founder, Grief Bridge