The Partridge Family Temple Scene

Suddenly a dog barks. The dog runs up to you. You get on your hands and knees and check the dog collar; it says, “Simone”.

“Simone’s your name?”

The dog barks and shakes it’s head and starts to trot away. You follow but then you stop. For floating high above you, is a gigantic, beautiful, blonde woman wearing crushed, red velvet pants and matching vest, her shirt ruffled and white. She starts t

o sing, and as she sings, pinpoints of light appear. Newly born stars; and then the stars begin to sing. And as they sing, the gigantic, blonde woman’s stomach starts to Jiffy Pop, pregnant-swell. She rotates in the black void and smiles at you. Now she’s naked. From her blonde, honey cave hideout emerges a gigantic, yellow and blue egg. She floats away and all is silent. Then the egg starts to roll back and forth and the yellow top is separated from the blue bottom as it loudly cracks in half. You can’t move and are hardly breathing. Shadowy beings climb out of the egg. You can’t quite make them out. Then they start walking towards you. Keith. Laurie. Danny. Tracy. Two Christophers; one with blonde hair and one with brown. You know them. You know their names but you don’t know why. Then you notice the others. Anne Frank. Ray Kroc. The Banana Splits. Brandon Walsh. JonBenet Ramsey. The cast from Seinfeld. Helen Keller and her guru. Nate Archibald. Bobby Sherman. The Goatfish Man. Flip Wilson and Geraldine. Snake Plissken. You hear a golden voice behind you.

“Do you love my children?”

You turn around and the gigantic blonde woman is floating on a gigantic, lotus flower dripping with sticky, incense honey.

“I don’t know”, you stammer nervously.

“That’s alright child. They love you and you are love.”

She kisses you on your brow and whispers into your ear, “Wake up.”

You open your eyes. You’re in your bed. “Was that a dream?” you wonder aloud. Just then your door burst open and Danny Partridge barges his way into your room yelling, “Hey, goofball! Mom said to wake up. It’s time for breakfast. I hope you like omelets. Mom makes the best omelets in Albuquerque!”

You hop out of bed and smile. You have never felt so turned-on in your life! As you follow Danny into the kitchen of God, he gives you a TV Guide. You stare in amazement… you’re on the cover! JOIN THE PARTRIDGE FAMILY TEMPLE…NOW!

Family Tree, by The Partridge Family Temple

11/22/2024

2024 hours a day…wow is the time to score your very own Partridge Family Temple long player and turn unnnnnnnn!

Family Tree, by The Partridge Family Temple 16 track album

09/25/2020

50 Years of Artwork by Whale Song Partridge!

11/29/2019

Film review by Rex Reed

I just got back from the Midnight Showing of the new flick, Black Friday and to be honest with you I have no idea what I just saw. Who wrote this script? It’s late so I’m going to write a short review and really try to give you an idea of what this movie is about. But like I said, I have no idea.

So in a nutshell, Robert Beck, who some of you may know as Iceberg Slim and a notorious pimp and now author, stars in his first movie role. And guess what? He plays a pimp in this movie also. His name is Young Turkey. Whenever he walks down the street people always shout out in respect, “Young, dumb and full of gobble!”

Well anyway, if that’s not weird enough, Diahann Carroll from the beloved TV series, Julia plays the female pimp nemesis, Mama Too Tight. In a storyline too convoluted to explain to you, the average reader, basically Mama Too Tight lays a major con on Young Turkey and takes his entire stable of girls and becomes the most popular madame.

Young Turkey is very angry and in one scene that makes no sense, drinks an entire bottle of alcohol and then hallucinates like he did L*D. It’s 1973 people, not 1967! That’s when he meets the infamous singer, Screaming Jay Hawkins, famous for his song, “I Won a Spelling Bee”.

Screaming Jay Hawkins asks Young Turkey what the problem is. After Young Turkey confesses his predicament, Screaming Jay Hawkins says, “You know what you need to do, you need to find the best bitch, the finest bitch…the ultimate bitch and trick her ass out.”

Young Turkey wakes up the next day and decides, and I’m not making this up readers, to trick out the Goddess Kali. At this point I don’t even know how to explain what, why or how. It would be easier to tell you where Jimmy Hoffa is buried. But Young Turkey, in a ritual in a graveyard meets Kali and convinces this ancient goddess to turn tricks for him; my apologies to the Hindu community.

She’s so good at her job that by the end of the movie, Young Turkey is now the King of Pimps and Mama Too Tight for some reason stomps her feet and explodes in a ball of fire. Then Screaming Jay Hawkins comes out and sings a song about how Young Turkey put a pimp hand to some ancient four-armed goddess ho who wears a garland of johns around her neck and could jack four clients off and suck an entire neighborhood with that big, fat red tongue.

I will say this though, Robert Beck is a very fine actor and Diahann Carroll should get a better agent.

Happy High Holiday, Black Friday from The Partridge Family Temple!

Movie poster by Whale Song Partridge
Film review transcribed by The Partridge in the Pear Tree

Photos from The Partridge Family Temple Scene's post

01/16/2019

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The Partridge Family Temple Scene

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