KIFGlass

Ignorant Instagram User Asks If Account With Zero Posts Is Legit Seller of $2,000 Elbo Pendant
October 21, 2025 — PORTLAND, OR

In a stunning display of digital confusion, a self-proclaimed glass collector reportedly messaged a random artist to verify whether a blank “Athlete” account with no posts or highlights was a real Elbo reseller. When told “don’t use CashApp,” the man became defensive and hostile — ultimately getting blocked, unblocked, and roasted with a fake-follower screenshot before retreating into linguistic regression.

Experts later confirmed the buyer’s messages were littered with “ur” instead of “you’re,” a practice that’s been out of style since MySpace. “Typing like a 2007 Nokia user is an immediate sign of chaos,” said Dr. Lila Cane, who studies online communication.

At press time, the buyer was reportedly still DMing random glass artists for “confirmation,” while the “Athlete” account remained postless — yet somehow radiating confidence.

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Overwhelming Amount of Glass Blowers Claiming to Get No Views, Pretending 95% of Their Followers Aren’t Fake Accounts
August 7, 2025 — PORTLAND, OR

In a shocking turn of events that surprised no one, a wave of glassblowers took to Instagram to bemoan their lack of engagement—despite having more followers than their kiln-powered electric bills.

Local artist posted a tearful Story: “Shadowbanned again 😔 No one sees my posts anymore. This algorithm hates artists.” The post was seen by three bots, two wholesalers, and a guy from high school who thought she sold w**d.

Experts say the real issue isn’t the algorithm, but the 93% of followers bought during a 2018 “Support Small Artists” campaign—actually just a Fiverr gig in disguise.

“It’s incredible,” said Dr. Linda Splat, a social media anthropologist. “You’ll see 48k-follower accounts getting 17 likes on a reel of someone spinning a marble for 15 seconds. Then they post a screenshot saying ‘Only 3 people saw this 😢.’ It’s performance art.”

The National Institute of Creative Delusion (NICD) issued a statement: “Engagement won’t magically appear just because you filmed your thumbnail turning black for 90 minutes.”

Meanwhile, newer glassblowers with