Cactus Flower Ministry

WHY DO I DO WHAT I HATE?
Rev. Jason Hill

I often feel like a failure… as a Christian.
The more I learn about God and how I should live, the more aware I become of how far I fall short. It’s not just the sins I stumble into unknowingly that trouble me; it’s the ones I see coming. The ones I recognize ahead of time, the ones that I know I should avoid; and yet I still find myself walking head on into them.
And I ask myself the same question every time, again and again: Why do I do this?
I know better. I’ve been taught better. I’ve experienced God’s goodness, His mercy, His truth. But when the moment of sin comes and I have given in to my impulses, and when I confront myself, my response feels as weak and unconvincing as a child’s: “I don’t know.”
I hate the sin; but I still do it. I desire righteousness; but I fall short of it.
If I’m honest, I would rather live in such a way that I never have to ask for forgiveness again. Never have to apologize. Never have to go back and make things right. I would prefer a straight path; clean, simple, and obedient.
But this has not been my journey.
I’m apparently a slow learner. I often take the long way, the hard way, the way that seems to come with repeated lessons, sometimes painfully.
Perhaps you know exactly what this feels like.

The Struggle is Real
The truth is that this struggle is not unique to you or me. It is the testimony of every believer who has become aware of both God’s holiness and their own humanity. Every born-again Christian encounters this same dilemma and it is painfully frustrating for us all.
The Apostle Paul expressed this with brutal honesty in his Epistle to the Romans:
“For what I am doing, I do not understand. For what I will to do, that I do not practice; but what I hate, that I do.” (Romans 7:15)
This is not the voice of a man without faith but of someone who understands the depth of transformation and the reality that it is still in progress.

The War Within
There is a war happening within you.
When you came to Christ, your spirit was made alive; but your flesh did not disappear. The old nature was not removed; it was dethroned. And now, there are two opposing desires at work inside of you: one pulling you toward God, and another pulling you back toward what you used to be.
This tension is real. And sometimes, it feels overwhelming, not because God is absent, but because the flesh is familiar.
You have lived in it, responded through it, and reinforced it over time. So, when temptation comes, it is not simply a moment of decision; it is a confrontation between what has been trained in you and what is being transformed in you.

Knowing VS Doing
Knowing what is right does not always result in doing what is right.
Knowledge can inform the mind, but it does not, by itself, empower the life. Transformation is not instantaneous; it is a process. And that process requires more than understanding; it requires surrender.
Many of us become frustrated because we assume that if we know enough, we should be able to live it out consistently. But the Christian life was never meant to be sustained by willpower alone.
“But Jesus looked at them and said to them, “With men this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” (Matthew 19:26)
It was designed to be lived through dependence.

The Deeper Issue
The deeper issue we must contend with is that we try, sometimes sincerely, to do better. We try to fix ourselves, to overcome by effort. But failure has a way of revealing something important: we are still attempting to live a spiritual life through natural strength.
This does not work.
The struggle we feel is not just about behavior; it is about reliance.

What Can We Do?
We begin with honesty. Not surface-level acknowledgement, but genuine confession before God. He already sees it. He already knows. But when we bring it into the light, we align ourselves with truth instead of hiding behind denial.
We also refuse to make peace with sin. Yes, we may stumble; but we do not settle. We do not excuse what God has called us to overcome. We keep our conviction alive, even when we are still growing.
At the same time, we must intentionally strengthen the spirit. What you feed will grow. If your spiritual life is neglected, your flesh will not hesitate to take the lead.
Time in God’s Word, prayer, worship, and accountability are essential. They shape your sensitivity to God and build your resistance to sin.
And in those moments when temptation arises, we must learn to pause. Most failures are not instantaneous; they build. There is a space, however small, where a different choice can be made. Training yourself to stop and ask, “Where is this leading me?” can begin to shift the outcome.
But above all, we must learn to depend on grace rather than perfection.
We will never outgrow our need for God’s grace. Growth is not measured by never failing; it is measured by how quickly we return and repent. How steadily we continue forward.

So Why Do We Do The Things We Hate?
Because there is still a battle within us. Because we are still learning to depend fully on God. And, because we are in the process of being transformed.
But here is the hope that must not be overlooked.
The struggle itself is evidence that God is at work in you. Dead things do not fight. Unchanged hearts do not grieve over sin. If you feel the tension, if you feel the conviction, if you find yourself asking “why”, it is because something in you is alive to God.
And that changes everything.
You are not a failure; you are in the fight. And as long as you remain in the fight; turning back to God, depending on His grace, and pressing forward; He is not finished with you yet.

As we conclude today's message, I hope and pray that the Lord touches your heart and life with His love and revelations. May the Lord bless and keep you today and every day as you journey through life with Him.

If you have not been saved or are unsure if you have been “Born Again” please follow this link: Salvation

As always, I invite you to share your walk, discoveries, and testimonies with me. If you have a question that you would like scriptural answers to; Email me at [email protected]