Dr. Kate

“There is nothing you could have done to prevent this.”

I say this sentence every day in the NICU, because so many families walk in carrying enormous guilt, and I wish more mothers heard it sooner.

One of the hardest parts of working in the NICU is seeing how quickly parents, especially moms, blame themselves when pregnancy or birth doesn’t go according to plan.

And I think some of the current online messaging around pregnancy unintentionally deepens that wound by turning pregnancy outcomes into a moral issue.

Yes, women’s bodies are incredible. Yes, pregnancy and birth can be deeply empowering.

But complications are also real. Prematurity is real. Emergencies are real.

And when the conversation becomes loudly centered around “doing everything naturally” or “optimizing” pregnancy outcomes, the quiet messaging can become: “If your body was made to do this, then complications must mean your body failed.”

Pregnancy complications are not a moral failing. A NICU baby is not a reflection of how good of a mother you are.

Some babies end up in the NICU despite excellent prenatal care, healthy pregnancies, and parents who did everything they possibly could. 🤍