WITSI

ℹ️🌿 DEEP-ROOTED SHAME FROM CHILDHOOD ADVERSITY IS MALLEABLE |

We all know people who are likable, accomplished, and outwardly confident, yet underneath their successful exterior lurks deep self-dislike and self-doubt known as shame. Perhaps that describes how you feel.

Shame from adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) registers not in the verbal, reasoning left hemisphere of the brain, which consciously recalls memories with words and thoughts. Rather, shame lodges mainly in the right brain, with its strong connections to the emotional and physical survival regions of the brain.

The right brain processes and stores memories not with words and logic, but with images, emotions, physical sensations, and action tendencies. Thus, shame from ACEs plays out as a wordless felt sense—of dread, of not being good enough.

Read the Full Article: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/hidden-wounds/202504/deep-rooted-shame-from-childhood-adversity-is-malleable



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"Some survivors grow up in tricky families where the abuse is quiet and subverted.⁠
And some grow up in families where the parents can't manage their emotions and cause damage to a child's development because a dysregulated adult is terrifying.⁠
Some examples:⁠
- Rage fits, verbal abuse, and throwing objects/destruction⁠
- locking oneself in a room, threatening self-harm⁠
- uncontrolled physical abuse of children⁠
- Alcoholic or substance abuse-intoxicated episodes and blackouts
- Verbal and physical fights between adults inside and outside the family⁠
While these situations cause anyone present to go into survival mode and leave their bodies (especially children), what I feel is more damaging is the following factors:⁠
- not talking about the meltdowns in real and honest ways⁠
- the other adults being complicit and ignoring what happened⁠
- the other adults not using their power to set boundaries, seek resources, and protect children (they have power, and kids don't)⁠
- not engaging in any of the above and therefore normalizing being abusive and dysregulated⁠
At best, siblings can privately say to each other, "Dad's losing it about your bike; don't come home," or "Mom's trashing the house again," but beyond that, they have to just wait for a storm to pass and move on to Wednesday and get through that too.⁠
Survivors leave such homes vulnerable to similar situations because during their first twenty years of life, they've never seen healthy action and accountability for how a toxic parent behaves around children that they are responsible for keeping safe and emotionally happy and healthy.⁠
This post is focused on what the children experienced, not the dysregulated parent or partner. Yes, everyone could benefit from resources, but the focus here is what it was like to grow up in such environments and have the behavior be normalized by the other adults."

Some survivors grow up in tricky families where the abuse is quiet and subverted.⁠

And some grow up in families where the parents can't manage their emotions and cause damage to a child's development because a dysregulated adult is terrifying.⁠

Some examples:⁠

- Rage fits, verbal abuse, and throwing objects/destruction⁠

- locking oneself in a room, threatening self-harm⁠

- uncontrolled physical abuse of children⁠

- Alcoholic or substance abuse-intoxicated episodes and blackouts

- Verbal and physical fights between adults inside and outside the family⁠

While these situations cause anyone present to go into survival mode and leave their bodies (especially children), what I feel is more damaging is the following factors:⁠

- not talking about the meltdowns in real and honest ways⁠

- the other adults being complicit and ignoring what happened⁠

- the other adults not using their power to set boundaries, seek resources, and protect children (they have power, and kids don't)⁠

- not engaging in any of the above and therefore normalizing being abusive and dysregulated⁠

At best, siblings can privately say to each other, "Dad's losing it about your bike; don't come home," or "Mom's trashing the house again," but beyond that, they have to just wait for a storm to pass and move on to Wednesday and get through that too.⁠

Survivors leave such homes vulnerable to similar situations because during their first twenty years of life, they've never seen healthy action and accountability for how a toxic parent behaves around children that they are responsible for keeping safe and emotionally happy and healthy.⁠

This post is focused on what the children experienced, not the dysregulated parent or partner. Yes, everyone could benefit from resources, but the focus here is what it was like to grow up in such environments and have the behavior be normalized by the other adults.