The Newspaper

Have you heard of the marvelous animal called the ferret? Fun, cuddly, vengeful...the ferret has it all. How would you like to be one? The Newspaper is returning very VERY soon, and needs distributors. The role is rewarding, exciting, and challenging-our paper needs to be spread like a glorious case of swine flu, and we need your hands to do it.
If you're interested in distribution, send an e-mail with the code word "ferrets" in the subject line to [email protected]. Also include your social security number, and your mother's maiden name.

Issue 11 comes out tomorrow! Most newspapers only go up to 10...The Newspaper goes to 11.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EbVKWCpNFhY

Spinal Tap - 11 Clip from the movie spinal tap where they talk about the amps that go to 11..

“Fear not, for behold, I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. For unto you is published this day in the city of Madison a Newspaper, which is Issue the Tenth." - Jason 2:11

Oh, and you'd like to know The Newspaper's second favorite verse from the religious text of your choosing or the secular equivalent thereof? Let's consult the Book of Armaments...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xOrgLj9lOwk

Monty Python-Holy Hand Gr***de "...and the breakfast cereals..."

Issue Number Six out tomorrow! If you're a cricket fan, you know that sixes tend to be a good thing. However, since you're not a cricket fan, just ignore that joke and pick up a copy of The Newspaper! It may even have a joke in it to make up for the one you missed out on. (Or maybe even two jokes, since The Newspaper really tried hard this week.)