Married4Life

Intentional Time Together in Marriage | from Episode 574

Don’t self sabotage

Who knows that sometimes we are our own worst enemy? This is true of marriage also. Sometimes boundaries need to be set to protect our marriages from our own selfish, prideful, sinful, self-righteous selves. Ecclesiastes reminds us of the fickle nature of our own heart, which can lead us in one direction or another. Keeping yourself in check by implementing boundaries that protect your marriage from you can definitely help!

If you find your marriage stuck in nasty cycles of arguing, it may be time to take a look at ways you could start setting boundaries to protect your communication so that you and your spouse can maintain respect for one another even amidst disagreements.

Let's take divorce off the table. Threats aren’t helpful, especially ones that translate to your partner the message that you aren’t “all in.”
No cursing. I can’t think of a single way that cursing at your spouse is helpful to your relationship or in solving a problem. Let’s set a boundary that vulgar language is simply not allowed. If you are already stuck in the cycle of this being a regular part of communication then it may take the two of you agreeing to take a “time out” when things get heated.
Identify triggers. If there are certain hot topics that typically trigger an unhealthy cycle then set parameters about when and where you have those conversations. Here are some good baselines:
Distraction free: no phones, tablets, or TV
Without outside influences: children, inlaws, grandparents, friends, etc.
Avoid high stress situations: if your spouse just came home from a grueling day at work you might better save it if it can wait.
Choose a time that both of you can be mentally and emotionally present.
Even in heated moments of conflict, we can invite God to change how we respond. Choosing a “soft answer” instead of stirring up conflict; choosing to “bridle” our tongue and not say the hurtful comment – these are small real changes God wants to bring about in us that can soften our toughest arguments and make room for us to hear one another well and start getting on the same page. Consider using

Prayer:

Dear Lord, help us to not make marriage harder for ourselves or our spouses by getting in the way of good quality connection and communication. We pray for wisdom in knowing when and how to speak to our spouse and for self control when tensions arise.

Resource:

Looking for other great ways to grow as a couple? Sign up for Dr. Kim’s Marriage Multiplier to get a new Marriage Challenge each and every week. Get marriage inspiration every week that is easy to digest and impactful to your marriage. When you sign up for Marriage Multiplier each week you'll receive an email (or text) from Dr. Kim that will include 4 simple things: 1 Idea From Dr. Kim, 1 Marriage Challenge for you to complete that week, 1 Marriage Resource to highlight, 1 Marriage Question to strengthen your marriage. You can learn more and sign up here.

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Some people look at marriage as a 50/50 give or take relationship. It is not at all. It is a 100/100 all give relationship. Each one gives 100% of themselves each and everyday to their spouse. Each one spends time loving, caring for, pampering, listening to, talking to, being genuine and humble, being transparent, taking care of your spouses needs, then each one would be satisfied in each other. Selfishness kills our oneness with our spouse. This is an everyday job that you may not get a paycheck for but the benefits are way better than money. If we treat our marriage and our walk with God like the world, we will get the world.
If we treat our marriage and our walk with God, like God treats us, we get a godly experience that the world cannot touch. The enemy will try but cannot touch it.

Lord I need you

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