Yolanda R. Harper LCSW

Hello, My Name is…???

As May 2021 was coming to a close, there was a little distance from my business retreat mini-unraveling and, if I’m honest with you (and myself), there was a part of me that thought that I could continue doing the same things, but cloaked under the label of my fancy new title of Chief Vision Officer.

Why am I surprised EVERY F’ING TIME that trying to do the same thing and expecting different results DOESN’T EVER WORK?!?

Sigh.

Needless to say, that wasn’t working.

So I started pulling back and eyeing the month of September as an option to take a sabbatical. The idea was to be completely out of the office. But when I was advised by my business coach to not see clients from September through the rest of the year, I literally thought I was going to pass out. They actually told me to breathe.

I did NOT agree to that when I accepted my new CVO position. This was bullsh!t

But it also resonated as being the right thing to do.

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As a trauma therapist, my “productivity” and therefore “worth” is calculated in the number of weekly therapy sessions.
How many people I’m helping.
How many people are healing because of the work we do together.

Let’s face it, “take the space to be creative” and “vision creator and protector” don’t have the same immediate, jaw-dropping, inspiring outcomes as helping someone resolve their long-standing, debilitating trauma.

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The first time I visited California, there was a little earthquake. I remember thinking “Wait a minute, how is it possible that the ear is moving beneath my feet??” I lost my sense of direction and couldn’t think clearly.

And as “trauma therapist” became less of a primary role, I felt that same sense of being unsteady on my feet. I felt the familiar fog of grief – this time, grief around my identity.

Trauma therapy wasn’t only what I did. It was who I was.

Once again, I reached out for support from someone who had taken a similar shift away from primarily being a “trauma therapist” for any guidance they could offer. Surprisingly, they said that they still consider themselves to be a trauma therapists, who serves the world in a different way.

That was comforting, because I can’t see the world through a different lens, so I began to broaden the “job description” into leaving a “Love Legacy”…

My Journey to my CVO Job Description

I’ve literally joked for YEARS about taking a sabbatical. Looking back, I think my heart knew what was coming, but my head was not hearing any of it, until the spring of last year, when my heart became more and more insistent.

There’s something about the pacing of spring that tends to leave me in a bit of a tailspin. Maybe it’s that the freshness of the new year wears off. Maybe it’s the ebbs and flows of the business. I’ve noticed it in the past, but by Spring 2021, I was really starting to FEEL how “in the weeds” I was. I remember taking a break to take a walk on the beach in April and thinking “Finally, I can BREATHE!!”

In years past, I was able to get away from this feeling with just a little break — a training, a workshop, a long weekend off — something that was just enough to take the edge off. That wasn’t going to work this time.

In May, I took a step out of the daily working IN the business to take a business retreat to work ON the business. The week away was the starting point of the unravelling.

One of the challenges of being a business owner and entrepreneur is the blessing of growth. When I first started my business, I had to do EVERYTHING because I was the only one to do ANYTHING. As the business has grown, I’ve added more and more duties to my “owner/operator” role without even considering what I should be cutting back on — simply because it’s what I’ve always done and because I didn’t want to “burden” other people.

But I was doing “all the things”, from seeing clients to supervising and leading our staff to policy making, visioning, networking, marketing, training, etc. etc. etc.

(I’m also weird in that I take satisfaction from seeing the mini-fridge filled so that our clients and therapists can grab a refreshing drink on their way into session!! Being stuck in the minutia doesn’t help.)

No wonder it got to be too much! I was pulled in too many directions. (PS, I also pretty much hate being limited by the time/space/energy continuum that we humans must abide by).

I cried during that retreat. A LOT. It was scary to be SO confronted with the truth that something had to change. I recognized that I was going to have to release control of some things, and that’s scary, too. There was some grief around the reality that I’m not super-human and able to do everything. (Hustle me was very caught up in her super-human identify. Bless her.)

I also had amazing support and was able to get some clarity around the roles that I’m good at, the ones I most enjoy, and the ones that only I can fulfill. I got even more clarity around the fact that I couldn’t keep doing what I was doing and expect different results, and that trying to do so was keeping me from being the person I most wanted to be.

So Shamon (my business + life partner) and I sat down and got super clear about the things I should focus on and wrote a job description for my new role as Chief Vision Officer.

Isn’t it fancy?? Look, I even wrote it out in my own handwriting — multicolored and everything.

I thought this new role would somehow, magically solve all of my problems.
But, if I’m honest, there was STILL a part of me that thought I would keep doing things the same way, only with this new, fancy title (yes, I AM that stubborn).

What happened is that “hustle me” rebelled and what I call an “existential apocalypse” occurred… but that’s a conversation for next time…

In the meantime, what job description is it time for you to rewrite? What role are you carrying that you haven’t taking a look at in a while to see if it’s still working for you?

Who can help you rewrite that role?

Dear Hustle You,

Creativity gets you out of hustle mode and more connected to me.

Write, sing, play an instrument, cook, dance, however you express yourself.

I can’t wait to meet you there.
Much love,
Your Reviving Heart