Tandem Learning

Part 2: Forgiveness

Have you heard the phrase, “don’t think about a white elephant”? This somewhat common English phrase points out that it is nearly impossible to try NOT to think about something.

In last Thursday’s post, I invited us to think about moving away from trying NOT to think or feel and towards the idea of “letting things be.”

What does that mean?

Rather than trying to force my upset or hurt away, what if I tended to it? Can I offer myself some kinds words, such as:

“It makes sense that I felt hurt when my father wouldn’t return my calls or messages.”

“Yes, I feel sad when I remember what it was like when my friend blocked me.”

“I get to be angry that I was impacted by a family members’ substance abuse.”

I’d like to offer that this doesn’t mean that we need to continue to be upset/mad/hurt AT this other person, only that we do get to allow our feelings that arise to be present and acknowledged.

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Come back next week for more on what to do about FORGIVING!

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“Why can’t we just get along?”

I find it curious that in this world in which we must constantly interact with other humans, we don’t even really have a word for “getting along.”

What does “getting along” really mean? Is it making sure everyone feels okay all of the time? That isn’t really possible. Is it finding “peace and harmony?” Maybe… but sometimes we also say that we just need to “agree to disagree.”

How humans interact and what defines social well-being is a complex topic. If you have ever offered a child a treat, only to have them melt-down about it being the wrong color/shape/size and throw it back at you, you know that behavior does NOT always make logical sense.

Even for adults, there are times where we know we must get something done and then we go and do just the opposite, like procrastinating on writing this post by searching online for an electric blanket because I tell myself I’ll write better if I’m not so cold.

Fortunately, recent brain research and decades of information from counselors and therapists can give us some essential insights into the complexities of human behavior that can help us to learn more about what it means to “get along.”

Check out our courses on “Understanding Challenging Behavior” and “Understanding Healthy Relationships” to learn more!

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