Wishful Thinking Works

Priceless FREE Christmas gifts . . . Use them to surprise and delight the special people in your life or anyone you you want to make feel special.

Give encouragement instead of advice!

Simply saying, “ Wow, that is great.” “Congratulations!” “Great job.” “I know this means a lot to you,” is a gift all of us can give away freely. Who doesn’t need and appreciate encouragement and support, especially at this busy time of year?

T’s not the season to rain on anyone’s parade, and there is seldom a need for any expert opinions or advice.

Simple words of support are a gift. Adding a smile, heartfelt eye contact, and/ or a hug are the perfect holiday wrapping for your kind and thoughtful words. Just like any special gift, personalizing them for the recipient and the situation will make them more memorable and appreciated.

“Wow, that is a great idea.” “You are creative and resourceful.” “You are brave and strong.” “I loved the way you handled that.” “Everything looks lovely.” “You did an amazing job.” “Your words were so kind and caring.” “You are a great - Mom, Dad, son, daughter, sister, brother, cousin, friend . .“ “You are beautiful.” “I am so glad you are here.” “I like being with you.” “Being around you makes me happy.”

There are a thousand ways to make someone feel good with your words. Start giving the gift of encouragement. It’s free and can bring immeasurable joy to you and those around you.

I liked this article, thought you might, too. It is things we may know but nicely gathered and linked to “A Christmas Carol.”

5 Things "A Christmas Carol" Can Teach Us About Happiness — New City Players Well, friends… now that Thanksgiving has come and gone, it is by my calculations officially no longer too soon to say that the Christmas season is in full swing. That special season when people are encouraged to step away from their day to day so they can take the annual opportunity to, as the cha...

Are you a “last word” girl or guy? A number of years ago, I started paying attention to my conversations and realized that I am. Sadly, I liked getting in the last word. I am not sure “like” is exactly the right word to describe why I did it, but, no matter, I was often am the last one speaking.

You see, I was either explaining myself, or kindly directing, or helpfully advising ~ which all sound much better than simply admitting that I was getting the last word in.

Maybe I am the only one who does this, but I am guessing many of us tend to want the last word consciously or unconsciously.

I know as a teen my last words were often mumbled under my breath as I was walking away or behind a closed door, and were a way to push back at my parents. I remember hearing them say, “What did you say” and “Don’t you mumble at me” on more than one occasion.

As I grew older my “last word” techniques grew more sophisticated and included the above mentioned offering of words of wisdom and helpful advice. I was uncomfortable with silent endings and was often verbally dancing to fill any personally perceived voids, to make sure everyone was comfortable, or to help get my point across.

That is, until, one magnificent, glorious day when I realized I could let go of my oral gymnastics brought on by my insecurities, and simply let things go unsaid. When I finally sat with the discomfort of not being understood I realized my explanations were my way of trying to eliminate some level of personal internal fear and panic. And, that rather than continue to explain myself ad nauseam, I could be quiet and work off my anxiety in other ways.

I turned to calming, positive self-talk, listening at a deeper level, saying things such as, “You might be right, “Huh, I never thought of that” or “I need to think about that” or “I can tell I am feeling stressed right now, I need some time to think this through.” I then refocused my attention by gently leaving the conversation to go for a walk, stretch, do the dishes or the laundry or any other low key physical activity. Later, when I was relaxed I took the time to do lots of emotional deep dives to key in on what was really bothering me and making me blather on. I also read lots of self-help books and attended programs that helped me better understand my feelings and myself.

I realized that my small, but long-held fears of abandonment and lack of safety, and their related impact on my self-confidence were behind most of my explanations. Once I learned to comfort and trust myself, those scary feelings were greatly reduced. (Internal fears of abandonment or lack of safety are pretty common and can range from teeny tiny to large and looming. Don’t worry if you have them or any other childhood or culturally induced fears; they will diminish or vanish once they know they are being heard and lovingly attended to.)

Once I quit “helping,” explaining, rewording, etc. I found this luscious, beautiful space to simply relax and be, no words necessary. (“Quit” is a relative term in this case, as I still feel the need on occasion to add an explanation or explain myself or my reasoning, but I am much happier than I was a few decades ago, and I have learned there is a special kind of peace waiting for me when I don’t have to have the last word. 🥰)

Awareness, as always, is the first step. If you are often feeling misunderstood, and scrambling for ways to get your point across, especially in conversations with your significant other, check to see if you are in the habit of getting in the last word. If so, pause and see if you can sit with the discomfort of not getting the last word long enough to learn something new about yourself, your partner, or your situation. There is wisdom and peace in silence and reflection.

As a side note, I am not saying you do not need to feel understood in a relationship, but rather if you are constantly verbally or emotionally dancing to make that happened, there is a better way. Trust yourself enough to look at your habits and then let the rest unfold over time.