Nature's Intuition

CW: S*xual Assult and S*x Work
(1/2)
This post is longer than expected so I'm breaking it into 2 parts!

So there is something very personal and vulnerable I wana talk about.

If you are a massage therapist, I genuinely hope you read this and CAN'T relate.... though alot of you unfortunately will read this and know exactly what I'm talking about.

First I want to make sure I say that this is NOT at all a post talking poorly about s*x workers. I personally believe s*x work should be legal so the people can have the best care and rights for the work they do! If I say anything in this post that's offensive to s*x workers, please know that's not my intention and please message me directly to educate me if that feels right!

With that being said...

Licensed Massage Therapists are not s*x workers. As a society can we please stop s*xualizing this profession. In my experience, it has put me in dangerous situations just because I'm trying to do my job.

I will say that I may be a little more sensitive on this topic than others and I know my experience is not everyone's.

When I was one week into my internship as a massage therapist I was s*xually assulted by a client who claimed they were also a massage therapist (and a lawyer 🤷‍♀️). This is a whole ass story on its own. But the result of that caused me to have a tainted and more sensitive view on Massage Therapy moving forward. During my internship there were countless ways I was asked for services that I don't offer.

The one I got alot which made me feel the most unsafe was what I called "the reach". I'd have clients act as if they were stretching and reach to touch MY body. To the point where I'd have to stand up and stop massaging to move out of the way if their hands throughout the massage.

Or the one where the client just wanted a 90 minute massage, of feather light pressure, just on the legs... and everytime I'd massage up the legs he'd push *himself* towards my hands. Which was one of the few times I cut a massage short.

I'd get asked to give "manual release".

I'd have people leave LARGE amounts of money on the table seeing what they could get for price

I'd have people straight up ask for hand jobs... some would take it well and some wouldn't.

I'd go and clean up after a client with... fluids... left on the sheets.

I'd get the "joke"... What about a happy ending?... followed by I'm just kidding... followed by the look of *unless you'd do it*.

I'd get people who, while on my table, would make a reference to Seinfeld and say "it moved"... and then explain to me what they were talking about as if I hadn't heard that "joke" a million times.

And all of that was JUST in my 3 months of internship where I wasn't even getting paid.

**these pictures are from my graduation/ me during my internship**

The rest of this story isn't super juicy. If you've been following along with a mind of being nosey into my world, You'll probably be disappointed from here on out (until we get to the poly post). But like I said in my first post, writing this out is more for me than for you.

Story continued...

I could have made living with my husband work. That was the one thing we actually did pretty well together. But with him still not fully grasping the degree of our seperation I figured the best way to create the sense of separation was to move out.

January 2022
So over this past year I moved in with my brother and sister in law for awhile, then I thought I found what I would have considered at the time my dream housing situation (which fell through), and now I'm living with my mom.

What a blessing to have people help catch me when I fall without a plan.

I'm realizing I do that alot.
I jump without thinking logically.
But when I think logically I think myself out of doing anything because I become overwhelmed by fear.
So jumping and hoping I land has been my method. Which can be really annoying to the type A person you are married too. Lol

But this feeling of home or wanting a home is my core desire.
More then anything else in the world, I want a space that is mine.
Growing up when most little girls were thinking about their weddings (eye roll, problematic), I was dreaming about having a home of my own. A space where I can escape from the world and be safe and have the few things I hold dear close by.

I probably couldn't even count the places I have lived over the past 12 years.
It's like all along I'm searching for my space and truth be told have made alot of mistakes trying to get there. Getting very lost and distracted along the way.

This was a big reason for getting married in the first place. Growing up I was told that if I ever wanted my own house I'd have to get married because as a woman I couldn't financially do it on my own.

But silly girl... living with a boy is not the same as having your own space. 🤦

When I get down with that existential dread of "what is the point of anything?"... I also come back to "finding that home" as an answer.

And how does this relate to my business?
Well right now I'm not sure how to find my home while also focusing on my business. The universe has made it VERY clear that it's one or the other. Not both.

So this past year...
Losing my housing
Seperating from my husband
Surgery to lose the ability to get pregnant.

Transition. Transition. Transition.

*more of the story coming soon*

*mainly the the pictures from the begining of this year where just me and dogs cuddling in my bed lol and also a cute one of me when I started feeling myself again*