Arditinopolis

AITA For Prioritizing My Safety Over Unfair Family Expectations, Even When It Hurts?

I (17m) have a twin sister Robyn (17f). Our mom died when we were 6. Our dad started dating again when we were 7 and we met our stepmom when we were 8.

When my dad and stepmom were talking about moving in together and getting married they asked me and Robyn how we felt about it and what worries we had. We both said we didn't want things to change a lot. That we liked going to our grandparents after school until dad picked us up after work and we didn't want that to stop.

That we didn't want it to mean we'd have a new mom. We were worried dad would stop talking about mom and we'd have to stop talking about her too. They told us we didn't have to see our stepmom as our new mom and we didn't need to stop going to our grandparents and that it worked out good since our stepmom worked too.

They asked if we'd be okay with her picking us up some days and we said we were okay with that. We talked about what we'd call our stepmom and we both wanted to use her name. She told us there was no pressure but if we ever wanted to call her some kind of mom name she'd love that.

Dad assured us we'd still spend time with him. After they got married dad talked to us again and asked where we'd want to be if something happened and he couldn't take care of us. We said our grandparents.

Dad told us...

A Boundary-Pushing MIL Meets Her Match in a Perfectly Planned Trip

Long story short - MIL started off asking if she could fly in to stay with us for a while, we said no, seems to have employed tactic of booking flights without asking us and ringing day before arrival letting us know the time her flight gets in claiming 'amazing last min deal she just couldn't turn down'. I'd say she can't stay but husband doesn't want to leave her without accommodation so we have an agreement I take zero time off work, we don't keep baby off childcare, no unsupervised time with baby at all, he does all hosting including setting up bed, cooking, food shopping etc.

Essentially if she books visit with us we're off work, baby home, stuff planned. She doesn't then we continue usual routine she's just sat home alone all day and told if she'd have asked she'd have known wasn't a good time. Well, today on my laptop, I've realised MIL has somehow shared her calendar with me.

She did ask me for my email last time she was here to send me something for another trip she was taking, but now I can see some information on her calendar as an option on mine. She also seems to have synced some flights she's booked to come see us. Again she hasn't cleared it with us.

I haven't told husband. Instead I've booked for us to go away somewhere he's always been desperate to go, leaving the day before her flight. He doesn't know what it is yet, just that I've told him to take those days off for...