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12/25/2021

Imagine that you have looked through all the best dating apps and finally found someone nice to meet. You're all dressed up to meet them on the first date, you took the keys and check yourself when you go to the door. It is at this moment that you begin to realize that your palms are sweaty, your knees are weak, and your hands are heavy. (But I hope there's no vomit on your sweater anymore, a la Eminem.)

"Of course," you think, "a first date can cause anyone a little anxiety, right?"

It's true that some nervousness can be useful, because certain situations do require weighing risks and creating anticipation. But what if this nagging feeling becomes so overwhelming and persistent that it goes far beyond healthy nervousness? What if it really prevents you from going on this date or completely destroys the relationship that you have already started? Or, worst of all, what if it makes you believe that you shouldn't be in the dating world at all?

link: How to Talk to a New Partner about Your Mental Health

If you have been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder, you probably recognize that all these racing questions are just talking about your anxiety. Of course, you also know that by naming a condition, it's not easier to just talk about your feelings - as well as sometimes paralyzing physical reactions- in order to leave and just let you live your life. That's why we've reached out to several mental health experts for advice on what can help you successfully take control of your dating life, anxiety be damned. And, if you already have a relationship, they shared some tips that will help your partner navigate how to date someone who is experiencing anxiety.

What are the types of anxiety?
It's true that we all experience a little stress and anxiety from time to time. This is our natural reaction to uncertain situations and the body's way of keeping us on our toes and aware of our safety. However, the problem arises when this anxiety becomes excessive, obsessive and persistent and can lead to physical reactions such as headaches, sweating, high blood pressure, palpitations and inability to sleep properly.

If you or your partner are experiencing anxiety, it is important to understand that you are not alone. In fact, anxiety disorders are the most common mental disorders in the United States, with more than 40 million adults experiencing an anxiety disorder each year, according to the American Anxiety and Depression Association.

There are several different types of anxiety disorders, the causes of which vary from your genetic structure and brain chemistry to events that you have experienced in your life. No matter what kind of anxiety disorder you live with, the fact remains that each of them can create serious problems for your dating life. These are just some of the most common anxiety disorders:

Generalized anxiety disorder is characterized by constant and excessive anxiety, which is difficult to control and which may not have any obvious cause. It affects nearly seven million adults in the U.S. - more than three percent of the population - and it can make it difficult.

Panic disorder is characterized by repeated panic attacks or feelings of intense fear and frightening physical reactions, including palpitations, dizziness and shortness of breath. These attacks can occur unexpectedly, and also cause fear of not knowing when another attack may occur. They affect up to three percent of the U.S. population and are about twice as common in women as in men.

Social anxiety disorder, affecting approximately 15 million adults in the U.S., is often defined by a strong fear of judgment or rejection in a social situation, which causes a person to eventually avoid these situations whenever possible. For obvious reasons, this can be one of the most pernicious forms of anxiety disorder when it comes to dating.

It should also be noted that other anxiety disorders, including post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), separation anxiety, agoraphobia and other specific phobias, also fall under this heading, as they manifest in many cases. anxiety, stress and anxiety, which can also keep a person from living a full life.

Regardless of the specific anxiety disorder you may be living with, it is important to note that it can cause difficulties, especially in your dating life, if it is not properly diagnosed and given the opportunity to be treated in the most appropriate way for you. . The good news is that anxiety disorders are absolutely treatable if you cross the border of possible excessive anxiety to seek treatment at all. Options may include medications and/or psychotherapy methods, such as cognitive behavioral therapy, that can help you deal with anxiety in a healthy and productive way.

How to Date If You Have Anxiety
Depending on the type (or types) of anxiety you live with, they can manifest in different ways when it comes to your relationship. To help you win in your personal life, licensed psychologist Dr. Kelly Rabenstein Donohoe suggests getting to know yourself and your worries as much as possible before even going on a date.

"Do you know what your problems are - does this happen in potentially busy places? Or the fear that you will stay? ", - she asks people living with anxiety to think. "You already know where it's getting hard for you, so be prepared in advance, using your survival skills and the support of friends."

Victoria Goldenberg, a licensed clinical social worker and member of the newly established Media Advisory Group at the Hope for Depression Research Foundation, also suggests knowing what you're looking for when you start dating. Check yourself and determine if you are hoping for a relationship that will lead to marriage, just looking for dating or looking for something in between. Awareness of the ultimate goal can help you reduce anxiety by being more communicative. It can also help you ease the pressure on yourself in a short-term relationship without getting too far ahead of yourself.

When it comes to sharing your concerns with a potential partner, Dr. Rabenstein Donohoe suggests taking communicative steps in the early stages of a growing relationship. It's not necessary to shout "I have an alarm!" from the rooftops, but it's important to understand that openness can prevent anxiety in the future without revealing your diagnosis if you don't like it yet.

"Many, many people experience anxiety to one degree or another, and it's important to talk about these feelings right away," she says. "You can just say you're worried and [tell them] what might help. For example, "I like to know if someone is interested in me" or "Because I'm trying my best, I feel uncomfortable, not excited.""

Goldenberg agrees and suggests taking a light-hearted approach and admitting that the other person is probably feeling some nerves too. She recommends sharing these anxious feelings as a kind of icebreaker that can help establish trust and a deeper connection between you and your date.

Although being honest and sociable with your partner is the best way to reduce anxiety during dates, you may still find that your anxiety takes over before the date or that it destroys the relationship that you have worked hard to create. When this happens, Dr. Rabenstein Donohoe suggests using soothing breathing techniques and repeating mantras such as "This will pass too" or "You're cute" to redirect and focus your mind. She adds that friends can also help reduce anxiety by discussing scenarios and helping you mentally prepare for a date or other worrying situation.

Goldenberg shares this opinion, noting that you can also practice role-playing games with a therapist. This is especially useful if you live in conditions of social anxiety, because you can learn to open up and talk more about yourself. Expressing your hobbies and interests in a fun way will help facilitate the conversation.

Goldenberg also notes that it's not so much about sharing your anxiety with your partner as it is about managing your anxiety in any ways you can handle. You need to make sure that you don't use the diagnosis as a crutch, because it can cause resentment in your partner.

"Your anxiety is not their burden," she warns, "you came with your own story and journey, and so do they, but it's not their 'routine work' or 'project' that needs to be 'fixed'."

However, if you actively take steps to deal with your anxiety, your partner will see this and recognize your anxiety as nothing more than part of the package that comes with you. And while the ultimate goal is to find a partner who supports, understands and encourages when it comes to your mental health, it's important to understand that you shouldn't depend on them for these things, and they shouldn't be the reason why you strive to get better.

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