J. Ashar

In November 2022, I got confirmation that I was going to be a dad. The early process of childbirth was very new for me, and I was really excited! I first heard our baby’s heartbeat at 6-weeks in. It was a little slow, but I was optimistic that it would only get stronger and faster.

At 7-weeks in, our baby’s heartbeat was very faint, and it had further slowed down. We were told that our baby was not going to make it. As shocking as it was, it didn’t hit me right away. I didn’t let it because I had to be the strong one. In that moment, I needed to logically piece together what we were about to face and what the next steps would be.

We ended up having a miscarriage by the end of December 2022. This period of time was incredibly hard for us. I felt robbed of the “dad” experience, and the uncertainty of the future was frustrating to think about when I had everything already laid out. Does anything in life ever really go according to plan?

After 5-months of healing, we tried again in May 2023. We went through a similar process of confirming the pregnancy, and by 6-weeks in, the baby’s heartbeat was much stronger this time around. I was content to hear this news, but honestly, I wasn’t even excited. I was numb.

As the weeks carried on, we repeatedly received confirmation that the baby was healthy with a strong heartbeat. As I saw Kristina’s body begin to change, feelings of excitement crept back to me in small doses, but I never let it take over. It was my way of mentally preparing for a potential failure.

It is now August 2023. It’s the month we were supposed to have our first child. The feeling is bittersweet. Although we have loss, we also have life.

I really am looking forward to being a dad. Even though we’ll be dealing with sleepless nights and diaper changes, I will love this kid like no other.

Baby Ashar coming soon. 🖤

https://contrastmag.co/justin-ashar-fought-his-way-to-success/

Baby Boy Babu @ Houston, Texas