Dear Peer

POST #4

Topic: School/Academic Issues, Anxiety/Stress management

“I hate affirmative action. I feel like it's screwing me over. And it's just supporting discrimination. If I bring it up in public people are going to attack me and try to make me feel guilty for not being sympathetic. Everytime I see something related to that I just feel angry but it's not like I can have a rational discussion with people abt it since they just insult me. To be honest, I feel like it's only made me discriminate against URM more. :(“

Response: Hi OP!! We just wanted to let you know that we think your feelings are valid and we're truly proud that you're doing your best to express your own opinions. We know that it's extremely hard to keep those feelings inside and you would sometimes want to express them to others, but in reality, society may not agree with your thoughts. But just know that your own feelings and thoughts can't be controlled by what others think, and are valid from your own heart. If you're afraid of making others upset by bringing the topic up rationally, it's best not to tell them since you won't know how they could potentially react. Instead, we recommend writing your thoughts down in a journal and giving your writings all the thoughts and emotions you could possibly express and why you're opposed to affirmative action. We think this will help clear your mind in terms of stress and anxiety, and it's a resource to access whenever you feel the need! Please feel free to reach out to anyone you're comfortable with, including friends and maybe even family members!

POST #1

CW/TW: violence, abuse
Topic: Anxiety/Stress management, Depression, Parental Divorce / Breakup / Being cheated on

Right at the beginning of summer (June 2020) my mom found out that my dad had been cheating on her again with the same woman he had been with twice before. She went completely nuts and since then, she has been screaming lewd, vile comments and sexual insults at him every single day. She's caused him physical harm, beaten him, spit on him, kicked him and threatened him with a knife, often times chasing him around the house while screaming. The abuse always occurs twice a day, once in the morning around 6am to 7am before they both go to work and then at 7pm all the way to 11pm or so when they sleep. Sometimes, she would wake up at 3am (since she is a light sleeper) to go scream at him, throw things, slam holes into the walls or more. There is so much anger and tension in the house.
I wake up every day to the sounds of my mom yelling and taunting my dad and every evening I struggle through my homework while blasting music to try to drown out her yelling. She is so consumed by anger at my dad that she genuinely no longer cares about its impact on her children and how much it's interfering with the lives of other people in the house. I can't go anywhere to escape the situation, especially in this pandemic and with online school. I've had to handle this and pretend everything is all right on top of a full, rigorous courseload, extracurriculars and club work. I am never in the same place as my parents are anymore; just seeing them in the same room gives me stomach-lurching dread at the sh*tshow that'll come next. My relationship with both my parents are completely destroyed and I don't remember what it's like to have parents who don't yell and hit each other. I can't even begin to describe what I feel when I see other people with their parents and their families that are together in the most fundamental sense of that word.

Response: Thank you so much for seeking help and reaching out to us through this anonymous submission form. We are so proud of you for letting your emotions out on here, and we are extremely sorry to hear that you've been battling through such a challenging circumstances at home. This is a very tough situation and our hearts go out to you for being so brave and handling this situation all by yourself. Especially with the pandemic, family relationships at home can be strained and tense, and balancing that with school work and extracurriculars is not easy. It's a hard situation for everybody in your family, including your parents, even though their relationship has been harming your family immensely. It's hard to live with someone who hurt you so much.

Try speaking to your parents separately and open up to them about how you are feeling about the situation. If you are comfortable doing so, you can communicate your emotions with your parents and tell them how the extreme tension in your household has been negatively affecting you, even though they are very angry with each other.

If you are ever in a situation where you yourself feel you are physically or mentally in danger because of your parents, it is best to physically remove yourself from the situation and try to leave your house for a walk. If this situation escalates and you are in danger, please dial 911 for the police or 510-794-6055 for the Domestic Abuse hotline. Please remember your safety is utmost important, so do not put yourself in harm's way.

You are so strong, and you don't need to go through this battle all on your own. There are many on-campus resources that you can reach out to if you just need an outlet or people to talk to, including the Peer Mentor Program and Peer Circle Support Groups.

SAMPLE SCENARIO #3

Topic: School/Academic Issues - time management, workload

I have a lot of extracurriculars, and it’s getting really hard to get all my work done on time. I really want to keep all my extracurriculars and get good grades, but I’ve been sacrificing my sleep for those things. How do I balance everything and still succeed?

Response: Balancing your schedule while coming out on top of everything can be really hard and it takes time to really succeed. Take a look at your schedule and start to add in spots for breaks and self-care where you feel like you’re doing too much work. It might be hard to drop an extracurricular, especially one you’re passionate about, but oftentimes it’s important to remember that you still need time for yourself. You can either decide to cut back and take a back seat from certain things (those involved will understand) or just get rid of a time-sucking EC altogether.

Getting good grades is also important, but remember that they don’t define you and it’s ok if you don’t succeed every time. However, if you reconsider some extracurriculars (maybe one where you aren’t enjoying the practices/meetings as much or one you find to be time-consuming), that would be beneficial to you.

Also, don’t be afraid to ask your teachers for extensions on assignments! Some teachers understand our pressures and are willing to extend a deadline if you communicate. All in all, it’s most important to remember that you and your health come first, so you shouldn’t pile all kinds of classes and extracurriculars onto yourself if it feels like too much.

SAMPLE SCENARIO #2

Topic: School/Academic Issues - burnout

I’ve been extremely productive over the past few weeks and although I’m proud of getting so much work done, I feel like I am starting to burnout and become overwhelmed. What should I do?

Response: Remember that we all need to take breaks often to prevent burnout and to refresh. We suggest you look into implementing self-care activities within your daily routine. Self-care activities help improve our mental, emotional, and physical health. These can be physical exercises, meditation or yoga, or taking a nap. You can also try listening to music, eating a snack, or playing games with friends, but remember to get back to your work when you’re done.