Deano Sutter

I've had 3 friends pass from su***de in the last year ...

One of them had reconnected with me at a memorial hike for another friend's su***de.

We literally talked about how tragic it was that anyone would feel this was an option.

And 6 months later, it's all over the news and my FB feed.

When I heard the news, I knew I needed to say something.
I just didn’t know what yet.

He was handsome, successful, fit … all the things we think bring happiness.

But he wasn't happy.

I looked at our last text exchange ... it was from a few months prior.

I had since moved to Dallas, had my hands full with life things, but wanted to check in.

He said, "I've been so depressed. I haven't left the house in a week, until now..."

And I never responded.

Not intentionally. It got lost like texts do.

15 years ago, I would of been gutted.

Felt like I should have done something ... could have done something and it wouldn't of happened.

And here’s the hard truth I had to sit with.

This is ego disguised as compassion.

The guilt and shame that follows something like this feels noble.

But underneath, it's about Control.

The belief that if I had said the right thing, noticed sooner, responded faster, the outcome would have been different.

That belief turns someone else’s pain into my responsibility.

And their final decision into something about me.

But it wasn’t.

His decision was not a reaction to a missed text.

Not a moment, a sentence, or a silence.

It was the result of a private internal battle I did not create, could not fully see, and could not control.

Accepting that isn’t cold.

It’s what allows me to grieve without drowning in shame.

To feel sadness without self-punishment.

To honor the loss without turning it into a life sentence of “if only.”

No blame. No shame. No guilt.

Just the freedom to mourn the loss of another beautiful human gone too soon.

So instead of fixating on how he left, I choose to remember who he was.

Since then, I've reached out to a few mutuals I thought might be on the same path.

Because that is the only thing actually in my control.

So, if any of you are carrying something like this or know someone who is ...

Let this be your permission, set down the guilt and shame ... the ego.

So you can grieve without owning what was never yours to carry.

We got this.

And if you don’t, I got you.

It’s 2026 y’all - and you’re about to fail your resolutions!

It’s not what you think.

It’s not because you’re lazy, unmotivated, or incapable of change.

It’s not because your life is too busy or your job is too demanding.

Not even because you are picking the wrong goals …

In fact, it’s actually not your fault.

It’s your biology.

Here’s what most people don’t understand.

Your brain is not wired for success, growth, or fulfillment.

It’s wired for survival.

And your version of survival vs your brain’s is quite a bit different.

For you it may mean getting that promotion, starting that company, or being a great parent.

Your brain cares about one thing … keeping you alive.

So it loves the predictable status quo – even if that leaves you feeling stressed, burned out, and stuck in a rut.

You see, your brain knows how to survive where you’ve already been.

It has no idea how to keep you safe where you’re trying to go.

Crazy, right?

So now you know … what ya gonna do?

I’ll tell you what won’t move the needle ...

Reading yet another self help book or listening to another podcast.

They’re great, but information without application is just noise.

Intentional application of information is what creates transformation.

But how?

If you want to compete in a sport, you hire help and find a community, right?

Just so happens I know a guy (hint - it’s me).

Get on my calendar and I’ll tell ya all about it.

Or stay stuck, repeating the past, and we can have this same conversation in Jan of 2027.

Up to you.

We got this – and if you don’t, I got you. But you have to ask for help!

Love you all!