Kick Kass Body

It’s hard to come back to this account. It’s hard because I know the restrictive thoughts that exist in my head can come back. It’s difficult most days for me to see people exercising and not feel angry. Angry that I’m not in that place. Sad that I’m not where I thought I would be. Social distancing/quarantine has only heightened all of these feelings I have around body image, body neutrality, self acceptance - whatever you want to call it. I find myself doubting the progress I’ve made. Debating whether I could just revert to my old ways.

The biggest obstacle for me right now has been adjusting my intention around exercise. Yes, exercise is good for you and healthy for you and as a physical therapist I highly recommend it. However, I had used exercise as a way to control my body. I had grown accustomed to people complimenting me on how I looked, especially when I was fitter or thinner and it felt good! I was scared that I had relied so much on my appearance that there was nothing more to me than that. Even as I typed this out, I know this is not true. But just coming to this realization was crushing. I’m not looking for sympathy or pity, I’m just highlighting the fact that even with the progress I have made - the old thoughts are still there and they will be for a long time. This is a way of thinking that has been ingrained for YEARS. The only difference now is that I know they exist. But that’s all. They exist. I won’t let them control me.

I still have a long way to go. I am still struggling to redefine my intentions going into exercise and continuing to learn to be gentle with myself. It’s hard. Really hard. But I’m working on it.

For today’s walk I decided to trade in the stroller for the cutest weighted vest I’ve ever seen! 🥰🤣 @ Chicago, Illinois

Thanks and for the new fit!!! You really know how to make a mama feel good! Good thing these leggings are moisture wicking because that’s a lot of baby drool 🤤 🤣. Check out my stories to get in on a fun event in Lincoln Park complete with workout, DJ and maybe even some giveaways!

Decided to join this week to try and add some routine to my workouts again. I chose the Post-Pregnancy Program and to be honest, when I looked at the first week I was disappointed that it was mostly stretching, walking and really simple movements. In my head I was expecting the usual high intensity, burpee filled workouts I was used to seeing - so when I saw this I almost laughed. Now having finished the first week, I’m grateful for this slow transition into movement again. This program was a great way for me to set achievable goals without getting discouraged and overwhelmed right out the gate. Even just scheduling 30min aside each day as a new mom was a challenge - but it felt great to move my body again - even just a little bit. I even treated myself to a class today with my fave and got to sweat it out to the magic of Beyoncé ✨Happy Sunday, friends!

It’s been exactly a year, 1 month and 15 days since my last class. I could barely stay out of the saddle and stay on beat, but it felt good to be back today. A lot has changed in the past year, specifically my mindset and how I’m deciding to approach “wellness” this time around. (Link in bio about how wellness has become such a machine). This time around, I’m going to workout when I feel excited to do it. It’s not going to be a chore and it’s not going to be 5-6x/week. It’s going to be something that makes me feel good and may not even involve exercising. Today I was excited to tap it back again, tomorrow may be a different story.