Tonal's Corner

more often than I care to admit, I wonder what type of artist am I, and usually that comes at the cost of comparing myself to someone else’s lived experiences wondering why I’m not “that” type of artist. why my art doesn’t hit or make waves like that.

and as I think about it more I’ve constantly been comparing myself trying to be a certain type of person that I thought would get me the attention, the accolades, but tbh (bc even those havent been enough) the deep desire to feel loved, respected, and cared for.

and so I’d disassociate from my life desiring to live someone else’s but w rose tinted glasses bc who’s to say their life was any better than mine. who’s to say they too aren’t suffering in silence fighting to feel valued based on their work. fighting to be seen. to be cared for, respected.

the truth is I’ve always had to know what I was doing. from growing up in abusive household to dealing w an abusive world. my Black q***r non-binary body has always just been seen as a disposable body. and so even I dreamed of disposing it for another. hell even I still dream on days my chronic pain hurts so much to even stand or move.

and so now as someone who spent their life, three decades perfecting the art of holding my feelings it, it makes perfect sense that my art is moody. it was the one of many things I wasn’t allowed to be. ✨ ✨

it’s so interesting how you can have so many artist’s in the same room w the same models and end up w vastly different images….not just from poses, but from lighting, tone and editing.

this was one of my first photo networking events of the year and it didn’t not disappoint.

here is modeling w her camera .studio

Feb bookings opening soon! got some special projects I want to create or be part of this year ✨

✨

event photography is probably one of the types of photography I struggle with w bc it has the most variation. I often am unsure how photos are going to come out or if clients are going to like them. often doubting myself when ppl turn their back and others turn towards the camera. add in being on my feet for hours is hard when I have chronic pain. so, I don’t take these gigs often and I have come up with some boundaries to help me stay aligned w producing the best photos possible:

1. the event has to be accessible and have limited stairs. w my pain going up and down the stairs take time. often I’m moving way slower than others. so going up and down the stairs cannot be part of my job too.

2. The event shoot time has to be 4 hrs or less. being on my feet for long periods of time make me even more tired. and depending on the severity of my pain that day also make it difficult to walk.

3. I try not to do events where it’s just a Photo Booth or where it’s a super active/large event. with my pain I need to move around a little bit, but having to go far across a room can mean that maybe I’ll miss some important shots.

4. I need a shot list if I’m shooting events. no if, an’s or but’s about it. If my clients don’t have one I’ll gladly help create one, but still I have had ppl ask for shots not on the shot list. please try not to do this to photographers and if you do need to add something say it at the beginning, not when the shot is happening.

5. I try to only shoot events that fill my cup. Since it is difficult and hard on my body these have to be things that I’ll enjoy to a certain extent.

it’s been difficult this year in general w my chronic pain and limited mobility, but I was still able to capture a lot of ***rjoy through and here in Chicago….and that meant everything to me 💜 ✨ ***rjoy

we go together REAL bad!
will always ask for a pic and I’ll always oblige. I blame it on the Leo in our charts lol but in all seriousness I didn’t know I’d meet such a sweet soul. it’s no wonder her voice is like butter. honored to hear unreleased and released music sung to me, quite literally. check out her work on all streaming platforms!

is always moving and shaking. down to connect to finish a project or just to hang out. playing in the shadows yet knowing when to step into the light. evading the camera and yet always being impacting.

and my dear , a warm light. ready to affirm, to hold a friend’s hand, or simply to laugh. a person who will show up and show out. we met in three different spaces before we were like we should hang out and be friends lol

happy to have met y’all, to call you all friends, and to bring to life to every third Thursday together! 💜 ✨