Mak Shea Smith

did you know that the average duration between onset of symptoms and diagnosis of symptomatic FAI is almost three years? i’ve had a cascade of left sided symptoms over the last six years that have increasingly gotten worse and worse. i’ve been able to manage it by limiting intensity and removing the activities i can do until i had nothing left that didn’t cause pain. i’ve seen countless medical professionals and spent so much time and money on physical therapy that did nothing for my symptoms before finally getting a labral tear diagnosis and pursuing the surgical route.

i know that this recovery will be long and difficult, but in my eyes the hardest part has already happened! from here, i know that i’m making progress towards living a pain free life :)

now vs before!

when i started scheduling consultations with plastic surgeons back in September, i was so scared they were going to laugh me out of the office. when you start looking for examples of breast reductions online, there’s maybe one photo out of every 30 that show a ‘small’ reduction. however, i also knew that i had all of the classic symptoms: indents on my shoulders, rashes under my breasts, neck pain and headaches. since taking Lexapro last year, my breast tissue changed and became more heavy and firm. i was uncomfortable before last fall but it’s only gotten worse and worse this year especially as my labral tear injury has also gotten worse.

i have never felt like my body fit my identity as an athlete. i was always envious of my friends who could go for a run without a sports bra. i wore baggy clothes, wore sports bras full time to compress my chest, slouched over, and winced in pain while i ran when my breasts felt tender. as a 32G, you can’t just walk into Target for a bra - you have to go to a lingerie store or order bras online. since i was in high school, i wished for a smaller bust! i never wanted the attention that came with my body type.

even just one day post-op i’m absolutely thrilled with the results! i don’t get to see what’s under my surgical bra until Tuesday but knowing i’m walking around with a full pound less on my chest is so freeing. my surgical experience was as smooth as i could have wished for and i’m so grateful that this was an option for me. you deserve to have your voice heard when you are uncomfortable! even if you have ‘small’ big b***s like i had, it’s still enough to detract from your quality of life especially as an athlete.

reading ‘Wintering’ and realizing that perhaps the last six months or so have been a lesson!! what!!!

some things this past month that have brought me joy: being healthy again instead of sick, trying a new hair color, quality time with and time with friends!!! in some good news - i have a new job!!!!! i start next week so i’m more than happy to share more of what i’m doing then 🤭👰🏼‍♀️

fitness wise, i’m just happy to be moving and building strength again! spending more time on the than i have in a long time.. i looove a rebuild and i’m so excited about Pico de Orizaba in a few weeks! i’m also signed up for next years Hardrock qualifier (Run Rabbit Run) and i’m getting excited for another year of big mountain 100 training 😊

honestly, i’m feeling so grateful for this community here and i appreciate everyone who has sent kind messages these past few weeks! i’ve been down for the count but i am so excited to put my energy into some new projects!!! life can’t always be ‘summer’ and high productivity and these periods of life moving a bit slower always makes me so appreciative of my friends and community 💞

things often don’t go as expected in a race and this post-PCT build has taught me so many lessons. heading into the weekend, i was feeling excited to run back to back 50Ks and be with the trailrunning community!

for me: SI joint pain within 30 minutes and total lower back and hip lock up within another 30. i had a very similar thing happen at Boston so i knew i was in for gritting my teeth, shedding some tears, and just getting through it. unfortunately, whereas at Boston i only had to deal with about 3 hours of severe pain, i had about 6 hours here which is just the joy of running a trail 50K instead of a road marathon. the last 20 miles of this first 50K physically felt like the last 20 miles of a 100 miler (minus the severe sleep deprivation!). it’s so funny to me that a 50K can hurt like this - although it could’ve been an hour long run and it would’ve hurt too given what my back was doing!

the truth of the matter is that sometimes a race is just practice for suffering. your tolerance for pain goes up, you put another experience into your mental toolbox to draw upon when things get tough in the future, and you find a way to keep moving forward when you would really rather just stop. it’s not always smart but that’s ultrarunning for you - if you’re going to be stupid you better be tough 🙂

it felt like out of nowhere my back decided to rebel on me and while i have some ideas, i don’t have a clear cut answer for a years-long lingering SI joint dysfunction. i don’t pull anything from the floor heavy anymore and i’ve seen sooo many specialists and had so much body work done. i have a few paths forward over the next few months, but more than anything else i think that some lower volume and more strength will do me good right now!

moreover, i’m SO grateful for this community. i said hi to so many friendly faces, i ran ~20 miles with a guy named Barry running his first ultra ever, and i got to spend the weekend with and 🩷 a life spent running is a life spent failing, succeeding, getting injured, improving slowly but steadily, and having lots of good and bad days! it’s so much better with amazing people around you!