EHP Construction

EHP Construction

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01/01/2024

Happy New Years

I feel like a child trapped in man’s body sometimes! I’m 47 and even though I do act my age, inside me the suffering child is begging and screaming for help, attention and love! I’m still carrying the abuse and the mistreatment I faced growing up, it was so bad I couldn’t wait to leave home. I was 16 when I permanently moved to NZ and I came alone. I thought I finally escaped the hardship and can now be happy and live my life like I want to, but I was so wrong. I faced a completely different world with opposite ideologies and beliefs and as much as I tried to acclimate, being a Palestinian Arab was always the reason people shunned me or made them keep their distance. I had to accept that I now live in a world that believes the lie’s coming America and Israel and I’m better off not telling people where I’m from. For years I lied and used to say I’m Jordanian to avoid the immediate hatful looks or any confrontations. I’ve carried this heavy weight on my shoulders all my life and along with the trauma from my childhood, I’m still struggling to find my feet in life. Be careful what you say or do to your children, your moments of anger can damage them for a long time if not forever. As god is my witness I’ve taken every positive and good attribute my parents instilled or should I say forced on me, but I NEVER do to my kids the things done to me or ever say any hurtful words, the kind that STILL ring in my ears today. I’m trying to live in the now and forget the past and I finally woke up and realised I can’t do life alone. I became anti marriage after my divorce and I ended relationships ruthlessly with anyone that wanted more from me. It took me about 4 years to realise I’m wrong, I need commitment, love and affection from a woman who deserves my attention and devotion, not someone who lives for themselves. That’s the biggest problem I’ve discovered with western women in general, the prettier they are the more entitled they become and I’m an IDIOT who always went for looks! In fact there were women in my life I knew were legit psychos and I still stayed loyal to the bitter end 🙄 Ok I sleep, thank you for reading my thoughts 🤗✌🏽😴

12/31/2023

I feel like a child trapped in man’s body sometimes! I’m 47 and even though I do act my age, inside me the suffering child is begging and screaming for help, attention and love! I’m still carrying the abuse and the mistreatment I faced growing up, it was so bad I couldn’t wait to leave home. I was 16 when I permanently moved to NZ and I came alone. I thought I finally escaped the hardship and can now be happy and live my life like I want to, but I was so wrong. I faced a completely different world with opposite ideologies and beliefs and as much as I tried to acclimate, being a Palestinian Arab was always the reason people shunned me or made them keep their distance. I had to accept that I now live in a world that believes the lie’s coming America and Israel and I’m better off not telling people where I’m from. For years I lied and used to say I’m Jordanian to avoid the immediate hatful looks or any confrontations. I’ve carried this heavy weight on my shoulders all my life and along with the trauma from my childhood, I’m still struggling to find my feet in life. Be careful what you say or do to your children, your moments of anger can damage them for a long time if not forever. As god is my witness I’ve taken every positive and good attribute my parents instilled or should I say forced on me, but I NEVER do to my kids the things done to me or ever say any hurtful words, the kind that STILL ring in my ears today. I’m trying to live in the now and forget the past and I finally woke up and realised I can’t do life alone. I became anti marriage after my divorce and I ended relationships ruthlessly with anyone that wanted more from me. It took me about 4 years to realise I’m wrong, I need commitment, love and affection from a woman who deserves my attention and devotion, not someone who lives for themselves. That’s the biggest problem I’ve discovered with western women in general, the prettier they are the more entitled they become and I’m an IDIOT who always went for looks! In fact there were women in my life I knew were legit psychos and I still stayed loyal to the bitter end 🙄 Ok I sleep, thank you for reading my thoughts 🤗✌🏽😴

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