Tracey Elizabeth Webb Associates

Leadership Connections from the Heart...

traceyelizabethwebbassociates.com

Leadership Connections from the Heart

I had occasion today to have a difficult conversation with a colleague. The conversation started via text and then continued in person. I was reminded of several principals that are critical to effective communication.

1. First of all, show up as the Naked Emperor or Empress. There is nothing more disconcerting for a human being who is either waxing poetic or behaving with impunity to suddenly realize that they are behaving in a way that is inauthentic to their true nature or to their true state of being. It is very hard for successful people to feel vulnerable. It is even harder for a successful person to remain in that state and communicate effectively. As soon as we realize that we are operating behind subterfuge—take off the false armor and show up as we are---in emotional nakedness. It is scary, but when we stand rooted in our authentic selves—we are infinitely more powerful, more approachable, and we make decisions based upon our truth. Our words have more depth and meaning when they come from our deepest, most vulnerable internal spaces—sans emotional and intellectual armaments.

2. Sit with Silence. We are trained to be glib and “articulate” throughout our professional careers. However, there are times when simply being quiet and still, coupled with direct and sustained eye contact—creates a level of non-verbal communication that can give a glimpse into each other’s soul. That “soul” connection is vital for meaningful communication, especially when conversations become strained and difficult. Unlike gorillas and some dogs, the direct gaze does not have to be menacing or threatening. It can actually be very bonding when done with the right intention.

3. Listening Doesn’t Mean Losing Ground. Active listening means that you try very hard to show empathy and put yourself into the other person’s shoes—to see and feel the situation as they might. However, it is nearly impossible to listen actively when you are planning your retort to each and every point that your colleague utters. You are wasting each other’s time. Active listening means being quiet and present, while being secure in the notion that you lose nothing by attempting to understand another point of view. Acknowledging what they have said does not signal agreement. You only have to agree to those points that genuinely resonate with you. But the beauty is in refraining from disagreeing until you have let them finish. And then—it is still not about the re-hash or a point by point retort. Instead, it is about sharing your genuine and authentic thoughts in summary format, rooted in your values and based in compassion and dignity for both participants.

Please visit our new website at traceyelizabethwebbassociates.com. We focus on executive and organizational effectiveness. Our mantra is "Authenticity, Innovation, and Impact".

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