Inkt.

est of 5 siblings, lots was expected of me. I guess that's why less attention was afforded me. I didn't realize my childhood wasn't normal. I kind of always thought having to walk miles to a soup kitchen was just part of life. Neglect from my mother wasn't perceived as such. It was just the world as it turns in my veiled eyes. Even when I tried to give myself a tattoo in the fourth grade by carving a name into my skin did I not realize things weren't right. I couldn't understand why the school reacted so harshly to an act as "innocent" as simply wanting a tattoo. Vague memories brought on by a home video I stumbled across really made me see that, deep inside, I wanted better for myself. To think back at my father asking me "what's wrong?" And me responding with teary eyes and deep emotions, "I wanna live with you, dad." brings me to tears. It makes me wonder just how much of my childhood I blocked out of my memory. The struggle was very much real and I was in the midst of it. The problem is when you're within the fog you don't see clearly. My mind, my thoughts, my perception was distorted. My mother had emotional/mental illnesses that prevented her from being the best mother she could be. They prevented her from being a mother at all. My mother was just present. She may as well have been a lamp in the living room. My siblings and I were left alone to roam and fend for ourselves. Left alone as if my mother was absent. She was there but, was she really? Come to think of it, the word absent did best describe her, I presume. Physically she was there. Emotionally and mentally, not so much. Totally absent was her maternal instinct. I guess mother nature skipped her. Some women just weren't meant to be mothers. Some just lacked that nurturing part that most women are naturally equipped with to prepare them for motherhood. That protective, caring side. Dramatic events occurred that lead to the removal and separation of myself and my siblings from our "home". Home, another term I use loosely. My younger brother set a shed on fire in our back yard. That was a turning point in my young life. From that day forth my life would never be the same. My brother and I went with my father in Atlanta. My three other siblings went with aunt Rose to Alaska. I think back at how difficult it must've been for my younger siblings to deal with the separation of the two oldest. I wonder what went through their minds in the three years of our absences. It must have been hard to swallow for them. It wasn't until I moved with my father that the veil was lifted. I began to live a "normal" life outside of the norm. Normal because I no longer dealt with the harsh conditions I realized I was so accustomed to under my mother's roof. Outside of the norm because, let's face it, most children don't grow up with two daddies. My dad wanted us to live an honest life. The day we became part of his household I remember him sitting us down to have a talk. He wanted us to know about his lifestyle. He wanted to let us know that he is gay. Our dad made an immense effort to make us comfortable with his sexuality. He made sure not to make things awkward for his newly acquired children. Dad was open about his sexuality but still managed to keep it under wraps within the house. Our comfort was a priority to him and it showed. Dad wanted to make sure we had the best life he could offer us. I suppose that's why he opted to keep me back one grade, to make sure I didn't miss anything in the fourth grade. Changing so many schools in my life prevented me from being all I could be. We went from Peoria, Illinois to Atlanta, Georgia and back to Peoria within a year. The changes were emotionally fatiguing. I became detached. My social skills lacked the necessary to make friends. I made it a point to keep it that way. I did, however, have some close friends. Entering middle school was another climax in my life. I simply skated by all the elementary schools unnoticed, a total loner with limited friends. At Von Steuben Middle School I was set up for success. I participated in the drama club, basketball, volleyball and track. It was at Von Steuben that I shone brightly. I was looked up to by other students, a leader in the making. Unbeknownst to me, I was perceived as a star pupil by staff as well as alumni. It was also in middle school that I began to notice that, although my father did in fact provide a better life for us, he also lacked in the parenting department. I starved for his attention. His support and affection meant everything to me. I made great efforts to excel in school but his compassion never showed. I seeked distractions from negativity through sports and recreation excelling in every pursuit I made. My efforts went unnoticed by the one person that mattered most in my eyes. I remember the day of my last basketball game at Von Steuben. I was graduating from the eighth grade. The game wasn't a major one but it meant a lot to me. Sports became my everything. The game was down to the buzzer. I made the shot bringing us to a tie and sending us into overtime. I was doing great! The game was again down to the buzzer. The ball was in my hand. If I didn't make this shot the team would lose the game, my last game at Von Steuben. I took the shot and made the winning score bringing the team to a victory. It was a proud moment for me. I skimmed through the crowd to find a familiar face to share the feelings of victory with. I saw many but not the one I was looking for. That was one of many no shows and disappointments my father put me through. Not even at my eighth grade graduation did he grace me with his presence. We moved back to Atlanta after I graduated middle school in pursuit of a better life. Better schools, more opportunities and a community accepting of my dad's lifestyle was what we seeked. At Druid Hills High School I was back at it again. Making it on the Varsity and Junior Varsity basketball team made me a headliner in the school newspaper and once again put me back in the spotlight. I enjoyed basketball but I also loved discus throwing in track n field. I remember the coaches being amazed at how many sports teams I was in. They were mainly concerned that I was wearing myself out. I'm fine...I thought. I received Viking awards for excelling in sports and academics. Even being voted most likely to succeed out of high school didn't seem to impress my father. After high school I decided it was time to come out of the closet. I finally had a girlfriend and was ready to share the news. I tested my waters with two of my closest female friends first. The first one I told made it easy for me. All went well. She accepted me for who I was. Confident from my first experience, I decided to tell my other best friend. Her reaction was the polar opposite of my first "coming out" experience. She was far from supportive. She was furious! In her opinion I had deceived her after all those years of friendship. She eventually came around to accepting me. After that I came out to everyone of importance to me. The rest were beyond accepting. They supported my lifestyle. After all the "commotion" settled life was back to normal. I graduated high school but I struggled with my SAT test and got a low score. My Ill will toward seeking help proved unsuccessful. My pride got in the way creating a fear of asking others for assistance. That prevented me from getting scores good enough to get into college. I received sports scholarships but dad disapproved of them. Those schools were too "one dimensional" in his opinion. Here I was back in Atlanta. The city I grew to call home. Life wasn't as great as I expected it to turn out. My arguments with my father became the norm again. Once again, Yunuen (my bestie from high school) came to the rescue. I ran to her. Her and her family opened up their home and I became part of the household. The military began to appeal to me as they offered so many benefits. A roof over my head, covered school tuition expenses, travel opportunities, it was an option worth pondering. After a series of struggles and heart breaks, it was decided. I would be enlisting the Army! Basic training, although not easy, was still a breeze. I showed promise, leadership. I received an Overseas medal, a Good Conduct medal and a War on Terrorism medal. My dreams to become a specialist were soon shattered due to injury. I tore my acl and was pushed beyond my physical limits. The injury was aggravated by ignoring for quite a while. I needed surgery and was officially out of commission. In the military once you're out of commission you're deemed worthless by your superiors. The effects of the injury took a toll on my personal life. Depression, anxiety, PTSD and cutting got the best of me. My relationship with my fiancee deteriorated. She and I were no longer on the same page and it was too much for her to handle. She began to seek comfort in others. She decided to continue living life without me. My depression grew and I became suicidal. My life no longer had meaning. It was worthless. I saw no remedy for my anguish. My injury was so severe that it led to an honorable discharge from the Army. It was hard adjusting. For a couple of years my life seemed to float in an abyss of drinking and addiction to the very pills prescribed to help aid my fight against emotional distress. I felt alien in the civilian world back under my father's roof. No more structure. No more chain of command. No more fully loaded schedule. I reached a new low. My father began to pester me about getting my life together. He wanted me to get back on track on his terms. The man who was supposed to help me out when I needed it the most only contributed to my struggle. He charged unreasonable rent even though I had no income at the time. My father, the man who gave me life, even denied me food under his own roof. I felt cornered and alone. I decided to enroll in The Art Institute of Atlanta as a way to get back on my feet. The military would cover tuition. The appointment was made and I went to the admissions department. Everything seemed concrete but I was so overwhelmed that I decided to postpone my start date. The admissions clerk must have sensed something was wrong because she made sure that I didn't leave without talking to someone that could help. She went to see the admissions director. He had already left for the day. She said wait here I can get you someone else. A few minutes later a tall, well dressed man stepped out. "Can I help you, sir" were the words that came out of his mouth. With offense in my voice I retorted "I'm a female." He replied with an apology and proceeded to ask me how he could help. My lips moved to speak but all that came out were tears. They streamed down my face as I poured my heart out to him. I didn't mean to, but I told him everything that was going wrong in my life. Little did I know, I was speaking to the president of the Art Institute of Atlanta. He looked me in the eyes and told me he'd take care of me. He did just that. He made sure I made the start date originally set and even helped find me on campus living arrangements with a more reasonable rent requirement than my own father's home. That started the beginning of the rest of my life. I was sick and tired of being in this state of mind. There had to be more to life than this. One day I just decided I was done being down and out. I chose to be happy. I stopped taking the medication, got a handle on my drinking and decided to get physically fit again. Finally I snapped out of my depression! I began setting and pursuing goals again. A chapter in my life had finally closed and I turned over a new leaf on life. I've been humbled by my struggles and sacrifices but those trials and tribulations motivated me. They fed my ambitions and gave me the character and confidence to take charge of my life. I was now in full pursuit of my own happiness. I will achieve greatness in my own right! The idea of #iNKT. was born. #iNKT. wants to represent something that changes the
face of the world. How we treat each other, how we compose ourselves and most
importantly, how we communicate with
our children to help shape our futures and
our dreams. #iNKT. wants to represent a
positive lifestyle. I want to make an
impression in the world. I want to sweep
the planet with the idea of offering help to
others in need, to be proactive. I strive to
create a movement so strong that, like a
mega tsunami, will be felt worldwide!

#iNKT wants to make a difference in the communities throughout the world by offering services such as :

• Animal Rescue/Adoption Centers
•Recreation
•Amateur Sports Teams and Leagues
•Culture Preservation
•Transitional Housing
•Structured Living
•Youth Arts/Performing Arts Enrichment Programs
•Community Outreach
•Domestic Violence Shelters & Outreach Centers
•Counseling & Mentoring Centers
•After School Programs
•Youth Tutoring & Mentoring
•Youth Sports
•Disaster Relief
•Foreign Assistance
•Humanitarian Support
•International Support
•Orphanage Support
•Mobile Clinics
•Thrift Store
•Adult Daycare
•Veteran and Soldier Support
•Health Awareness
•Leadership and Inspirational Coaching
•Cultural Organizations
•Food banks
•Senior Assistance Centers
•International Programs
•Youth Leadership
• LGBT Support