Jacob Sturges

Do you ever remember dates? Do you let those memories fade away or are they imprinted on your mind? The following is from six years ago, when I experienced my first panic attack:

How do you calm yourself? The other night, I woke up having a panic-attack. I was breathing hard—trying to catch my breath. I have spent most of my time inside (the last two weeks) because I would be considered “high risk”.

Though most of the isolation has been great (I’m more of an introvert), staying inside is driving me crazy! But what do you do when you are by yourself? (You don’t even have a pet that you can talk to!)

This morning, I was thinking about something that I remember reading and (have learned over the years of OVC). We are human beings that long to be in relationship with others (plain and simple). Yes, we can continue with virtual gatherings, but at some point we have to more from the isolation to human contact.

There are many people in our communities that have been affected by this pandemic, through “high risk” or loss of employment. But what can you do in these situations? Here are just a few that I (or I have seen others do) this week:
1) Turn OFF the television!
2) Play solitaire (about twenty different times till you win)!
3) Write cards/letters to others that you haven’t had a chance to connect with.
4) Read a book.
5) Take a walk.

Sometimes you have to take your mind off of things like the pandemic, loss of employment or being stuck in your house 24/7 full of people at one time! When you have experience loss, all you can think about is the past and present—Christians and non-Christians are experiencing this. But know that you can do something—You can make a difference in someone’s life today! Comment below of some of the ways that you are handling this situation (good or bad).

What do dates mean to you? Are there memories that are imprinted in your mind?

At the age of 15 months old, on December 15th, 1989, I was one of five (1 of 5) Korean children that flew into the Des Moines International Airport on that cold winter night. All passages were let off first and waited at the gate to see where these 5 Korean children would be placed.

In 2020, I decided to go back to college. Traveling is not uncommon for me. So, traveling to Israel in May 2022, it was a joy to see how the Korean people and culture depict the Virgin Mother Mary and Jesus as an infant/toddler.

Waiting 35 years was nothing but incredible to travel back to my birthplace and homeland of South Korea in July/August 2024. Meeting my birthmother was not something I would have imagined would happen on that journey.

If you would like me to come and share about my family’s journey of international adoptions, or about best practices when it comes to loving, caring, and serving orphaned and vulnerable children, youth, and families, please reach out.

Credited Photos from .lee.sturges:
1: Photo from adoption papers
2: Photo in Nazareth, Israel
3: Photo from Seoul, South Korea

It’s has been a week!! Had to leave some things behind, but got everything that to come with me, loaded up.

Made my way to St Louis to speak at a foster/adoptive support group Wednesday night. Had an incredible time sharing and encouraging foster and adoptive parents. Then spend some time helping Janiece and Neal Wieschhaus with their (foster/adoptive ministry) Christmas tree.

Dad flew into St Louis Friday night. We woke up with the battery not starting my car and had to get it jumped started. Drove down to GA and now at the hotel!!

“To join with Jesus in restoring communities through the multiplication of Christ-centered followers, leaders, ministries and churches” ()

Being part of a community for the last 14-15 years has been exciting! I never dreamed all the up’s and down’s of this journey.

Hesed: "Unfailing love, commitment, loyalty, loving kindness."
Tov: "Life that creates life that creates life."

I have been having final meetings with people before moving to Georgia. It is not getting easier, but becoming harder as reality hits. I was talking with a pastor friend once, and told them that I didn't think I would have stayed this long! Every ten years, I have lived somewhere else, so when 2019/2020 came, I thought I would move.

When 2020 came, it shifted and turned everything upside down. Being raised in the church my entire life, I was told I wasn't supposed to question God, the Bible, or even my faith in Jesus! But my prayer for the next four (4) years was, "Let me question everything that I have been taught, heard, or read about God, the Bible, faith..." Was it wrong for the disciple, Thomas, to doubt the existence of the resurrection of Jesus? Or, was it bad for Jacob to wrestle with the angel in the wilderness before his name changed to Israel?

We say, "God created mankind in (His) image..." (Gen. 1:27). So, if we are created in God's image, has He not given us a freewill of choice and an intellectual mind? Is it ok to let people doubt or wrestle with questions of God, His existence, and the Bible? I would say, "Yes, it is ok!" but we aren't meant to do this alone. Out of these doubts and wrestling, it has brought me to a place of "hesed" and "tov".

"Hesed" because of God's "goodness and unfailing love" (Ps. 23:6a) that has walked beside me all these years. And "tov" because the "life (vision) that creates life that creates life" was spoken/birthed in me nearly 10 years ago after stepping down from church leadership.

I would have never thought that more than 15 years ago, I would witness God's prophetic word in a faith community that I have been part of for the last 14 years! This will be one of my last Sundays before moving to Georgia.

I was recently sitting with some friends, as we discussed about compassion and empathy towards those we serve. I was reminded of the following that I shared back in 2022 while on a retreat:

Since 2020, I have gone on retreats on my own. It is a whole new and different experience than going with a group of people you know, especially traditions very different than yours. Many of them (retreats) have brought me to a place of looking back at my past.

Back in 2021, the Lord took me on a journey of resting, healing, wholeness, and self-care, but He also brought to mind a painful memory that I had carried for nearly a decade (10 years). I carried this weight of anger, hurt, pain, loneliness, and unworthiness. Off and on, this memory came to mind until I returned to that same retreat in 2022, that I felt it was time to be the one to let go and say, “I forgive you.”

“I have learned to grieve the loss…being hurt and alone in trying to make sense and [finding] closure. I have learned to let go of the anger and frustration I carried the last 10 years. But most of all, I have learned that I can forgive you. As I have sat in silence these last few days thinking, praying, asking the Holy Spirit to guide my words—I no longer carry this. I have brought it to the feet of my Lord Jesus…I have learned that I was causing more pain, hurt, and anger toward myself by holding and carrying this for 10 years.”

You may never FORGET the past, but you can FORGIVE to move forward in the future. Those wounds become scars. Deep inside you (they may never go away), but a reminder of who you have become now. Wounds take time to heal (not hours or days), but years and maybe even decades!