Living From Within

Have you ever shared something you were concerned about or you had feelings about in the other person went into fixing mode? This happens a lot in couples and it also can happen in friendships.

This happened to me recently when I was sharing something I was concerned about and the other person kept offering suggestions and even some future things I should be worried about ! Yikes!

It took me a few minutes to realize what was happening mainly because I had become vulnerable and shared something close to my heart. Eventually, I was able to name what I needed. Just to be heard and understood.

There is a subtle difference between supporting someone and trying to manage our own discomfort about what they’re sharing.

When someone tells us they’re worried, grieving, overwhelmed, uncertain, or facing something difficult, many of us immediately move into action:

“Here’s what you should do.”

“Have you thought about…”

“You better prepare for…”

“What if…”

Most of the time, these responses come from a caring place.

But sometimes fixing, advising, planning, or catastrophizing is less about what the other person needs and more about helping us feel less uncomfortable.

Presence asks something different of us.

Can we stay with what is actually happening?

Can we listen without rushing ahead?

Can we trust that another person doesn’t need us to solve their experience?

Sometimes the most healing words are:

“That sounds hard.”

“I’m here.”

“Tell me more.”

“I’m sitting with you.”

Many of us grew up believing love meant helping, fixing, rescuing, or carrying.

But mature love often looks more like attunement.

Meeting someone where they are.

Not where we’re afraid they’re headed.

✨ Have you ever experienced someone truly sitting with you without trying to fix you? It’s one of the greatest gifts you can offer someone.

It’s been raining in the Atlanta metro area for over seven days. This past holiday weekend it rained pretty continuously I started to notice my mood dropping. I started to feel tired, unmotivated and sad. And I was lighting lots of candles. I was seeking light.

I checked in with myself and wasn’t able to pinpoint anything specifically I was sad about. And then I remembered; I experience in the winter when there’s a lack of sunshine.

Seasonal Affective Disorder, SAD is associated with winter, but prolonged stretches of rain and lack of sunlight can affect us in the summertime too. This is called “Summer-pattern SAD”.

This can feel especially confusing because summer carries so many expectations of lightness, energy, connection, movement, and play .

The nervous system responds to light, rhythm, nature, and environment more than we realize. When the skies stay dark for days, you may notice yourself feeling more tired, emotionally tender, foggy, unmotivated, restless, or heavy.

Sometimes this is deeper depression. Sometimes it’s burnout, grief, nervous system depletion, or accumulated stress becoming more noticeable in quieter weather. And sometimes it really is as simple as: your body misses the sun.

I also think sensitive people, creatives, intuitive people, and those recovering from chronic stress often feel weather shifts more deeply than others.

What helps is less about forcing yourself to “push through” and more about intentionally creating small pockets of warmth and aliveness:

🔹opening the curtains
🔹go outside during breaks in the rain,
🔹moving your body
🔹light candles,
🔹bring flowers indoors
🔹staying connected to people who nourish you
🌈and seeking rainbows when the sun reappears.

There’s a kind of loneliness that can happen inside relationships that look “normal” from the outside but leave you feeling like something’s missing.
 
There may be time spent, history, holiday gatherings, phone calls, shared memories, or roles that have been in place for years, including yours.
 
And yet, after you spend time with certain people, you may feel sad, tired, confused, or strangely alone.
 
This can be so confusing because nothing obvious may have happened. No big fight or dramatic disagreement. No one necessarily did anything that would be easy to explain.

It’s confusing!
 
But something in you still knows si@etching is missing.

There may have been very little curiosity about your inner world or what the psychological realm calls emotional attunement.
 
If you grew up with childhood emotional neglect, CEN, this can feel especially familiar. People may have been around, and things may have looked fine, but your feelings and needs were not really known or tended to in a deep way.
 
So you may have learned to question yourself instead.
 
A part of you may try to make sense of it by offering g you these thoughts;
Maybe I’m expecting too much or I’m 
too sensitive as I’ve been told.
I shouldbe grateful.
This is just how they are.
 
IFS therapy can help you slow this down and listen to the parts of you that doubt yourself, over-explain, people-please, or keep reaching for connection where there may not be much coming back.
 
This inner work isn’t about blaming anyone, it’s getting to know what YOU feel and then becoming your own best advocate and caregiver. 
 
It is about finally noticing what happens inside of you when connection is surface, inconsistent, or missing altogether.
 
Your confusion may be trying to tell you something very important. 

If this is something you’re sitting with, IFS therapy can help you understand the parts of you that keep doubting, hoping, over-giving, or blaming yourself and help you come back to your own inner knowing with clarity.  I have a few opening for IFS therapy in GA, link above 🫶

Pets know.

Yesterday I wasn’t feeling well, and both of my cats seemed to know. They curled up close to me and stayed nearby in that quiet, comforting way animals have.

That’s attunement.

Attunement is the ability to sense and respond to another being’s emotional or physical state with presence, sensitivity, and care. It’s not about fixing anything. It’s about simply being with.

Our pets do this so naturally. They notice when our energy shifts, when we slow down, when something feels different. And often, they respond by coming closer, settling in, and offering their steady presence.

Yesterday, my cats didn’t need to know exactly what was wrong. They simply tuned in and stayed close.

It reminded me how much our animals give us through their presence, and why losing them can feel so deep. We don’t just miss their bodies in our homes. We miss the way they knew us.