Wellness AWE

Where is My Purpose, and Why Can't I find it?

Let's start with this... Trying to 'find' your 'purpose' is a pointless, disappointing, and misguided quest.

Now that I've caught your attention, I invite you to approach this with open eyes, ears, minds, and hearts. It seems everyone is searching for their purpose, yet it remains elusive for many. 😵

Where is your purpose, and why is it so hard to find?

The issue isn't a lack of purpose or that we haven't "found" it. Unfortunately, this is a concept many in the personal development and coaching industries use to attract clients. While it grabs attention, it misses the real issue. The struggle isn't about finding something; it's about letting go of the idea that we need to find anything in the first place.

This misconception applies not just to purpose but also to:
👉 Happiness,
👉 Fulfillment,
👉 Joy, and
👉 Peace—as if these are things we must find outside ourselves. This is fundamentally incorrect because it conditions us to look outside for what we believe we lack inside. This realization was tough for me to accept.

☝️Consider this: If we're always searching for what we lack, what does that create?

A state of being anxious and confused and feeling perpetually lost. Our bodies are in a constant state of alert, searching for the "purpose" that will supposedly make our lives better and "fix" everything "wrong with us (or our lives)

No wonder we're often distracted, disconnected, disappointed, and dissatisfied.

We've missed the point. It's never been about finding something but getting out of our own way. This is what's often referred to as self-sabotage and procrastination, which I'll discuss in the near future as these are concepts that are also flawed.

Today's pressure to perform, to "succeed," and to be recognized leaves us feeling empty and like failures inside.

'Purpose' is not something we do; it's an expression and an extension of who we are and who we are BEcoming.

This is why many refer to purpose as our "why." But with an identity crisis on the rise and a general uncertainty about who we are, it's no wonder finding a purpose feels impossible. How can we "find" our purpose if we don't know who we are?

What can we do? Start by allowing ourselves to choose and decide what's truly important to us rather than basing our decisions on what 'should' matter to us.

If you're curious about untangling this, join Bryan Yates and me for Lunch starting Feb 28th. We're hosting a FREE 6-week series exploring what's holding mid-life professionals and entrepreneurs back from LIVING! (DM for info as registration is required)

Each week will feature a different theme in a conversational, pitch-free 30 to 45-minute session. We aim to serve by doing what we do best: helping others discover and enhance their best selves.

In the meantime, share in one word what you keep trying to 'untangle' right now!👇

I was recently called a "pathfinder," and I admit, I was taken aback by the words and the context in which they were used.

Then, the person elaborated:

"Adriana, you are someone who has never taken the known, easy, or already-trodden path. Nor do you like or enjoy it. If anything, it drains the joy out of you. This isn't because you need to prove that you're a hard worker, but rather because you're driven to explore what’s possible, especially for those for whom the common path has not been an option."

I’m not saying this to show off or to boost my ego. Maybe those who know me well already recognize this about me.

Maybe this was a blind spot for me… Who knows. But this is NOT the point.

In a brief moment of vulnerability, being a 'Pathfinder" was something I often questioned about myself:
- Why do I always seek alternative avenues to achieve the same thing?
- What's my intention behind questioning what I hear?
- Why do I find myself going against the grain or breaking the mold?
- What fascinates me about being an outsider, and why do I want to invite others who feel the same to join me?

That conversation allowed me to see myself as a different person, with a unique set of skills I had never fully embraced. This simple exchange led me to reevaluate my wealth of experiences, not as something I needed to change or transform, but instead to embrace.

The experience I just shared happens to all of us, especially in moments of transition.

We are called to let go of old identities and embrace the core of who we are. For many, this may take several iterations; for others, maybe only once or a couple.

The key is to allow yourself to be the person you're meant to be, NOT who others expect you to be or become.

There are at least three parts of us fighting between our dreams and our safety nets (aka limitations). 🛑[I’ll refrain from delving into coaching or therapeutic modalities, as that's not the focus here]. This is about allowing all parts of you to be seen and identifying their roles without judgment.

Next time you feel mentally exhausted or emotionally depleted, take a moment to observe, without judgment, which part of you is fighting for survival!

PS:
In my practice, I use a simple model to identify the Performer, the Defender, and the Protector.

👉Interested in learning more about this technique? Shoot me a DM.