Skeleton Key Hawaii

Humans waste 8 hours sleeping every night — wouldn’t you rather be more productive, spend more time with loved ones, and never have nightmares again?

Help is here with Doz-a-Ban, a new anti-sleep aid from Romero Pharmaceuticals. In clinical trials, Doz-a-Ban was proven to eliminate the need for sleep, providing productive, healthy, and constant consciousness in most participants.* Enroll in our completely safe* clinical trial today at www.koatheater.com

*Side effects may include maniacal hallucinations, headache, dizziness, nausea, heartburn, runny nose, prolonged terror and suffering, loose stools, memory loss, mammary loss, wandering spleen, spaghetti ni**le, tongue paralysis, fart lung, fallopian misadventure, vibe atrophy, temporal lobe deterioration, blood clots, forbidden toenail, trench mouth, scrotal scurvy, hotfoot, involuntary buttock clenching, disconnection from the spacetime continuum, spontaneous pregnancy, nasal constipation, stanky leg syndrome, esophageal implosion, testicular shapeshifting, turkey neck, gravy knee, re**al rot, eternal damnation, dry eye, diarrhea, and death.

Tell your doctor if you experience a blood-soaked apparition tormenting your psyche longer than four hours. Some clinical trial participants have shown slight changes in behavior, such as satanic impulses, murderous intentions, projectile vomiting, and involuntary contortions. Stop taking Doz-a-Ban immediately if a goat demon banishes your soul to Hell for all eternity.

Take exactly as directed. Failure to follow precise instructions removes all liability from the makers of Doz-a-Ban, Romero Pharmaceuticals, Night Terrors Incorporated, and its parent company, Romero Volatile Petrochemicals Global Unlimited.

Constant consciousness and more time living your dreams can now be yours. Ask your doctor if Doz-a-Ban is right for you! Just one more chance to join: Tuesday, Oct 31, from 7-9pm at Pearlridge Center

Have you met Dr. Romero, world-famous founder of Romero Pharmaceuticals yet? You may have spotted him peering out his office window at Pearlridge Center. He’s just eagerly awaiting his next victi— ahem, test subjects — for his clinical trials of DOZ-A-BAN (patent pending; FDA approval also pending). This breakthrough medication bans the need for sleep, providing more productive time with loved ones. Dr. Romero admits that early prototypes of DOZ-A-BAN may have caused nightmares to escape into the waking world, terrorizing some of his test subjects, but don’t worry! He’s now 99% confident the current formula is correct. Pay no attention to those screams…they’re screams of delight! Can you brave Dr. Romero’s clinical trial? Book your appointment now at www.koatheater.com!