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FEATURE | Lifetime (Reimagined)

“Was there a lifetime waiting for us in a world where I was yours?”

There is a human—perhaps distinctly Filipino—tendency to yearn, to either “relapse” or “reminisce” into memory; to wish for more and beg for more, even when there is nothing left we’re supposed to hold onto.

via Kyriel Yu, Insight PH

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𝑱𝘶𝒗𝘦𝒏𝘪𝒍𝘦 𝑴𝘪𝒏𝘥

Reality scatters the hope for the future, where life ends my desire at 16. The art of feelings and words orbits my passion to be loquacious.

How I dream of a good life, a directed path for success, became the beginning of lies and madness. They say being religious will lead you to morality, but perhaps it turns out to be an open door for injustice and abuse of humanity. In short, life subdued me.

Spotlight effect, drag me to the mud of my painful yet unwavering bygone. Her life was twisted upside-down. Who would have perceived? The past poisoned my fundamental foundation—mind.

I, we, became voiceless. Who has the sword? Them. Who has the guard? Them. President Manuel L. Quezon is most famous for stating, "I would rather have a country run like hell by Filipinos than a country run like heaven by the Americans, because however bad a Filipino government might be, we can always change it". Alipin parin tayo ngunit hindi sa mga kastila sapagkat sa sariling mamayan ng ating bansa "𝑭𝒊𝒍𝒊𝒑𝒊𝒏𝒐". Servants of money, bound laborers of this corrupt economy.

Subsequently, people drag mental illness as a rea*on, a weakness trait, BUT the mind is a toxin itself that can kill. At a very young age, the lower-class Filipinos ache from the weapons thrown at them by these dreadful political private institutions. Minors were silenced, killing our conviction of ardor.

Filipinos humiliated the hope of the state. We are now facing the hell of the government run by Filipinos. The question is, 𝒘ℎ𝒆𝑛 𝒘𝑖𝒍𝑙 𝒕ℎ𝒆𝑟𝒆 𝑏𝒆 𝑎 𝒄ℎ𝒂𝑛𝒈𝑒?

- 𝓨𝓸𝓾𝓻 𝓑𝓹𝓪

04/ 11/ 2026

𝙉𝙪𝙢𝙗

Chaos, hatred, doubt, pain, and suffering. She foresaw herself in the wave of anesthesia. She's dead, but forgoing. Paralysis hit her hard, an unmoving mind, a careless soul, who would have thought behind the gloom of her surface, she doubted her reconnaissance. Will she still inhabit? Where the course of her infatuation gripped her neck in the madness of ooze and acuity.

- 𝓨𝓸𝓾𝓻 𝓑𝓹𝓪

9:09 am. ,{9/23/23}

I in myself understand that I am still fragile ,weak and not strong enough . I need someone to be with , I need someone to understand me but I don't need someone who will control me . Yes , I'm independent with dignity and integrity to stand in the crowd. Though I empty my mind , though I look like I close my mind ,I'm analyzing what the purpose, what should be done ,and what should be conducted. In a very young age , I face a lot of difficulties , traumas, and anxiety to the point that I force my self to forget every detail of my childhood life. I forget those painful days , those hurtful instances. I already control myself to be at peace , to be in sense. Because I once slept but fully awaken. My body was living on this earthly world but my soul and my consciousness was no where to be found until I'm awake again and foreseen gradually the changes and my purpose of this life .

As those times that I'm asleep, I feel empty, very empty. The darkness envide my vision , the darkness embrace my whole sanity , the darkness cuddles me up . Even though, I open up my eyes , I can't see anything. Neither those times I don't feel any fear, I don't feel any hard thoughts thus I'm like floating in the sea , a dark sea where no noise , where no voice can be heard and felt . I tried moving hands , my body . But I can't , I can't move any tip of my finger. And the darkness hold my peace .

Where I'm now?

As the instances turn upside down , I was in a deep awe where I'm now . I can't understand the things that happening in my life . Sometimes ,it happened in accordance of my will and sometimes don't. I'm like in a maze , where stations are hidden and you need to translate each problem to solve the patterns . I don't fully see things as worthy as I was a child . There's lacking inside ,which is which, I don't know . There's pushing me to go to the dark for the darkness in the end of it has an equal lightness.

My troubled mind awakens my eyes to see the demons that lingering my thought which perhaps pushes me more to be resilient and optimistic, to be true to myself because no one can save me in this earthly society.

-The Horror of my mind -

The dark gray sky calms me as the branch of the tree amazed me. In this lonely afternoon, I was in awe for the sea*on embraces my soul and the breeze of the fresh air cools my mind.The sharp edges of the branches meant to be scary but it doesn't.

I'm walking to the corridor feeling so heavy and unpleased to what happened to my life recently. My head hurts because of the negative mindset of people, my body ache to the pressure that people put unto it . But then , the sea*on hugs my souls and withdraw the negativity that afflected my positivity.

I forbid myself to be affected as I wanted only to be controlled by my own mind and heart. Then I guess, it oppose to my well. However, I'm fighting for myself to be unbreakable and stand only to my goal.

As a conclusion to, I start being distant to them, I start closing the passage that could pass the demons that will tempt me to be cage again yet , I know to myself that He will challenge my strength until the day that I will surrender and be imprison to my thinking.