Shattered Pen

I can't find the right words to express what I feel right now. All I know is that I am not okay, and I feel so tired of everything. No one ever knows how empty I feel whenever I wake up. I try to pretend that I can still handle everything that's happening to myself, but I always find my tears falling when I suddenly see myself in the mirror. Whenever I can see the reflection of myself, I realize that I have changed a lot and that I have been so unhappy all along. No one ever dared to ask me if I'm okay, and that makes me even sadder. People will pass me by every day, but no one ever stops to ask me how my day went or how I feel today. No one ever notices that something is off about me. I feel like I'm slowly falling apart, yet I feel so invisible. I think no one ever cares at all.

— Shiori X

I sometimes think that I am not easy to love. Whenever somebody breaks my heart and leaves me, I often think that I am not enough. I ask myself what I should do to make someone stay in my life, but I realized that I can never force someone to stay, no matter how hard I try. Little by little, I've learned that whenever someone breaks your heart, you have to love yourself more just so you can heal. You have to know your worth and know what you deserve, and that's when I told myself that it's okay to break; it's okay to be hurt and be unhappy until you learn to value yourself.

Sometimes, someone will not treat you right and make you question your worth. You sometimes believe that you are not worthy of being loved and taken care of, but one day you'll realize that it's always important to remember that you deserve all the good things that the world could offer. That your world shouldn't revolve around one person, and it's okay to love and lose. Sometimes, it's okay to fall apart for loving the wrong person, but always remember that it doesn't make you unlovable.

— Shiori X

My dearest friends,

I want you to know how grateful I am that I have people like you in my life. I will always treasure you like a family, and I will always be thankful to all of you for the genuine friendship that you share with me. You came into my life exactly when I was at my worst. You've witnessed how vulnerable I was and how incapable I was of loving myself. But you loved me with all your heart and accepted me for who I am. I have built high walls for myself because I was afraid of trusting people, but you have proved to me that you are more than willing to climb mountains just to show how much you care for me. I am indeed the luckiest person to have friends like you.

Having some genuine friends nowadays is so rare, and that is why I want you to know that I appreciate you. Thank you for being there for me whenever I need you. Even if I don't open up about how not okay I am, you are always there to make my pain more bearable. Thank you for making an effort to make me feel special. Thank you for saving me on the days where I feel like I'm drowning in sadness. And thank you for all the times that you support me and believe in me, even on the days where I feel like I do not believe in my own capabilities. I have seen how proud and happy you are in every little achievement that I make in life, and I could never be prouder to see you achieving your goals too. I want you to know that I am and will always be genuinely happy to see you winning in life.

I may not be so expressive with the gratitude and love that I feel for all of you, but right now, I want you to know that I will forever cherish every moment that I spend with you. Thank you for being a good friend. Thank you for taking care of me. Thank you for untiringly understanding me and saving me from the dark. And most importantly, thank you for making me feel seen, heard, loved, and valued.

— Shiori X