Intentional Generations

On Sunday we held our first Quarterly Planning and Connection session for alumni of the RYLA Oceania Elevate programme. This was a really special event as we're also celebrating passing a milestone of now having over 100 alumni of this leadership retreat programme :)

Ben MacNevin did an excellent job of facilitating the session as always, with great engagement from participants, celebrating different achievements together and sharing challenges and insights. Huge kudos to Rebecca Fry for her vision for these sessions and the trust she has in the team :)

Ben asked me to share some reflections that might help participants when they reflected on their Wheel of Life and goals.

This is what I shared:

When we reflect on 'where we are at in life' (e.g. using the Wheel of Life tool) it can create different reactions within each of us. For some of us we may be feeling relieved or that the balance is how we'd like it to be. For many, it may be confronting, challenging or provoke big emotions (particularly after a challenging 2025).

No matter how you're thinking or feeling about where you're at in life / how you think you're doing, have self compassion.

Most people think of self-compassion as soft and gentle, but self-compassion has two sides to it, as defined by Dr Kristin Neff's research. Self compassion can be fierce as well as tender.

The tender self compassion: this is the self compassion that's helpful when we're in a challenging period of time and maybe we only have capacity for getting through each day or week. It's treating ourselves with gentleness, soothing ourselves during a difficult chapter and allowing ourselves the grace and space for caring for ourselves and our loved ones. It's the self compassion that says "today it's okay to have some time to be like a potato or to have a duvet day, then tomorrow I'm going to take one small step towards my intentions or goals".

Then, there's fierce self compassion, like a "mama bear" defending her cubs. This is the self compassion that involves keeping promises to ourself, doing the 'nice' or 'kind' action rather than the easy action and taking action in alignment with who we are and our needs. It involves self-advocacy, setting boundaries and taking wise action. It's the self compassion that says "yes, bed is really comfortable right now yet I'll feel so proud of myself once I keep the promise to myself of going to that exercise class".

Both of these are vital for balance, with tenderness providing comfort and fierceness offering motivation to meet needs and stand up for ourselves, preventing complacency or aggression.

No matter how this year has started off, what type of self compassion do you need to give to yourself (or others) today?

p.s. Image is from Kristin Neff's website:https://self-compassion.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/06/KN_SYW_Fierce-map.pdf

Have you ever wondered why women (& other minority groups) find many workplaces or situations psychologically unsafe to speak up in?

This was the question at the heart of the 'Brave Spaces' online workshops I facilitated for EROAD's epic Women in Motion charter.

Thank you, from my heart, to Jaz at EROAD who asked me to design and deliver this workshop for their women's network. The engagement, questions and incredible feedback from delivering this workshop for their global team blew me away! Jaz also came up with the brilliant workshop title 'Brave Spaces'. So, kudos to Jaz for this fun collab :)

I've gleaned a lot of insights from 10+ years in the workforce, the majority of it spent either working in male dominated corporate or government workplaces or supporting male dominated workplaces, including 8 years studying and working in leadership development, neuroscience, trauma-informed facilitation practices and workplace wellbeing.

I'm also currently studying a Masters in Organisational Psychology part-time to go deeper into the evidence, research and solutions to questions like this 🤔📚.

For the 'Brave Spaces' workshops I was given the great challenge of synthesising 10+ years of experience, study and research into a 90 minute workshop involving practical tools & memorable frameworks.

Some of the ideas shared:
1. Our brain's #1 job is to keep us safe, not happy. Our brain / subconscious is scanning for threats in unfamiliar environments and creates memory/meaning that is stored in the nervous system, e.g. if I speak up will I be punished, receive risks to my career or be seen as difficult / too much / overly sensitive?

2. Being in this heightened vigilant state takes a lot of energy. As does masking who we are or our voices (those with ADHD know this well).

3. There are systemic, culture, power and unconscious bias layers and dynamics at play that undermine women & minority group's sense of safety in sharing their voices.

4. Our upbringing also has an influence on how we show up at work. Most women are raised to be warm, agreeable, conscientious and collaborative. The OCEAN personality model in psychology demonstrates that female-identifying/women are higher in conscientiousness, agreeableness and, for some, neuroticism. It all comes back to our brain doing it's job: keeping up safe.

5. Many individuals, particularly busy leaders, do not practise good facilitation or inclusive meeting practices.

6. It is not up to the individual to create psychological safety in teams or workplaces. Individuals can take actions to feel safer, however a larger responsibility falls to the workplace culture and leadership practices.

👋 Feel free to reach out if you're curious about learning more about this or other solutions to help solve some of the complex workplace problems that prevent people from showing up as their best.