Rack City Rovers FC

PLAYER PROFILE

Name: David “Pies” Bainbridge
Number: 45
Seasons with Rack City Rovers FC: 4
Position/Role: Tour leader
Previous Clubs: Mosgiel FC, Richmond FC
Similar to: Gundogan of preseason 2014/15

In terms of physical conditioning for sevens it could be argued that none have it more fine-tuned than David “Pies” Bainbridge. With his portly belly and chubby feet none embody the true spirit of both Rack City Rovers and sevens more so than the man with the longest fo****in in the South Island. However it is both pastry and mince that he also embodies and it is this with which Tim “Pleb” Dunn will mercilessly mock him for the duration of this year’s tournament.
A veteran of the 7 aside variant, Bainbridge has advised that he will be taking a more backseat role this year and whilst he will don the purp’ and green of Rack City he will more often than not find himself with socks rolled down, stubby in hand and deep in discussion with the more cultured of sevens attendees in the form of your Pat Howell’s and your Shane Danielson’s.
In sevens past Pies has kept a low profile in terms of antics and instead been an organizing and orderly Tito Vilanova to Simon “Lugsy” Cromartys Pep Guardiola. Expect nothing new this year and perhaps an even more subdued Pies as he looks to run a tight ship once more and yet again coordinate a successful three days of drinking.
If Pies does manage to bang in a goal with those chubby feet of his expect a celebration in the form of Andrew “Millmania” Miller guns and perhaps a personal retelling of the great hat trick from no more than two shots of his younger, but not slimmer, Mosgiel seconds days.

PLAYER PROFILE

Name: Tim “Pleb” Dunn
Number: 45
Seasons with Rack City Rovers FC: 4
Position/Role: Winger/Striker
Previous Clubs: Dunedin Tech, Mosgiel, Coastal Spirit
Similar to: Antonio Valencia

If successes of previous years are to be repeated and Rack City are to go on and secure the four-peat,
it’ll require a serious case of “Don’t tell Kara” from Tim “Pleb” Dunn. Fortunately for the members of Rack City and fans alike, Stag Dunny is entering the final few months of his two and a half year tenure and like a 2L Demon Energy he’s fizzed.
A pioneer of the “Tim Dunn First Touch” Pleb’s spent the last season of his career captaining Coastal Spirit FC of Christchurch to a respectable 4th place in the Canterbury League. However, much like Pleb’s treatment of David “Pies”Bainbridge, the fans of the Rack City are ruthless, and whilst it may be respectable in the Christchurch League, a fourth place finish in the Alex’ Sevens is considered as deplorable as some of the many acts performed by Pleb that cannot even be discussed from sevens passed.
Having said that, it is these deplorable acts that make Pleb’s off field presence so integral to the functioning of Rack City, be it the eradication of nippers who have found themselves on tour, the day-to-day mockery of Pies weight or even just the casual racist abuse of unwanted fandom, it’s all part of the well-oiled machine that is Rack City Rovers.
Pleb has been tipped as the bookies favourite for Rack City MVP this year and if that is to come to fruition it wouldn’t be too unreasonable to expect such classics as the sneaky weasel, the mushroom cloud and perhaps even some dick jabbing if you’re lucky.