Up2 U Entertainment

A lost dog strays into a
jungle. A lion sees this from a
distance and says with caution
"this guy looks edible, never seen
his kind before". So the lion
starts rushing towards the dog
with menace. The dog noticed
and starts to panic but as he's
about to run he sees some bones
next to him and gets an idea and
says loudly "mmm...that was
some good lion meat!". The lion
abruptly stops and says"woah!
This guy seems tougher than he
looks, I better leave while I can".
Over by the tree top, a monkey
witnessed everything. Evidently,
the monkey realizes that he can
benefit from this situation by
telling the lion and getting
something in return. So the
monkey proceeds to tell the lion
what really happened and the
lion says angrily "get on my
back,we'll get him together". So
they start rushing back to the
dog. The dog sees them and
realized what happened and
starts to panic even more. He
then gets another idea and
shouts "where the hell is that
monkey!? I told him to bring me
another lion an hour ago." The
lion stopped and ate the monkey
for dinner.
One word for this dog

OPEN LETTER TO MTN (Plight of a
customer)
I write this letter with so much
pain.
On January 1st 2012, GEJ
Government took Nigerians by
surprise on New year's day with
their fuel subsidy wahala.
Little did we know you guys
were jealous of the attention we
gave them.
January 1st 2013, we all
celebrated the new year
expecting another surprise from
our president before the end of
the day but alas, nothing
happened.
January 4th 2014, I offered a
recharge card vendor a 200
naira note in exchange for 200
naira worth of MTN airtime but
she returned the money to me
saying I'll need to balance her
extra N20 naira.
I walked up to another vendor
and met same fate. On further
investigations, I found out that
you, MTN had topped an extra 10
naira to your 100, 200 and 400
airtime packages.
Literally, the cost of f**kery
(pardon my bad language) has
increased by ten naira. We have
been told by MTN that the cost of
those tools they have been using
in torturing has risen and as
such, we should pay an extra ten
naira to make up for this.
I am tempted to ask, why the
sudden price increment?
To rid off some customers?
To offer us good service?
Or is MTN broke?
Oh broke? my bad!
Are they not the ones that gave
out an invisible aeroplane to an
eighteen year old female
subscriber a year ago thereby
converting her from a student to
a pilot?
Are they not the ones that usually
give two million naira to a lucky
subscriber daily IF AND ONLY IF
he/she will text WIN NOW to
33314?
Are they not the ones that gave
CHRISTY a toyota camry because
she texted YES to 7070?
Are they not the ones that gave
OGECHI a honda four weeks ago
because she texted WIN NOW to
5014?
What of the N100 that was
deducted from my sim and that
of other innocent subscribers
after MTN informed me via sms
that Nigeria's flag is green, white,
green?
Are they not the ones that
offered us N400 airtime (though
their terrible network didn't let
us utilise the airtime till they took
it back from us two days after)
free of Charge because we
updated our SIM regstratn
details?
Oh God, I could go on and on.
Of course I have every right to
rant. Didn't I mention some
weeks back I am in a serious
relationship with MTN.
Don't even tell me about abusive
relationships. I have had my fair
share with MTN.
I subscribed for a data plan last
week and MTN had the guts to
bind and destroy my network till
my data expired.
Last year, I was walked out of an
exam hall by the supervisor
because my phone rang!
One missed call from 180!
The painful part of everything is,
its difficult to leave them!
Those yellow guys have
hypnotised me.
I can't count the number of times
I've gone to a mobile shop to get
another line but walked out after
thirty minutes with another MTN
sim.
I have it all. The 0803, the 0806
and the 0813 numbers. Three
phones, three MTN lines, silently
praying, hoping, and wishing
one day everything's gonna be
alright.
Oh! Didn't I say that in 2007?
Its been eight long years of
endurance, patience and
tolerance.
MTN were the first to send me a
New Year SMS but not without
taking my ten naira with them. I
paid for spam!
MTN had me googling if I
mistakenly killed the Late Nelson
Mandela.( My number had not
rested because I have refused to
subscribe for Mandela's
callertunez)
I wake up every morning with a
goodmorning sms from MTN N
informing me of my chance to
win N1m before the day is over.
I go to bed every night but not
without my goodnight sms from
MTN N informing me I may not
have been lucky today but
tomorrow is another day.
The days I expect a credit alert
on my phone are the days the
oga behind the 4100 sms falls in
love with my number.
I receive an sms on a weekly
basis informing me of the
current cost of dettol. WTF!!!
Even dettol no longer cares! Why
should I?
I engage in frivolous
conversations and the next thing
I get is an sms from MTN telling
me to subscribe to 33114 to
receive tips on how to get a job.
I think of marriage and the next
thing is an sms telling me to
subscribe...

WEEWEECHU! (BUSTED)
Akpors & Ekaitte were taking a
romantic walk down the beach
one cool night.
Akpors grabs Ekaitte's hands,
draws her closer to him, kisses
her & says,
"Baby! You know I so much love
you. There's no one here. Its just
us. Let's do WEEWEECHU."
Ekaitte looks around & says,
"My love, I don't want to do
WEEWEECHU please. Let's just hold
hands & cuddle." Akpors agrees.
After a while, Akpors asks her
again,
"Oh baby! Please my love! Let's
do WEEWEECHU!"
Ekaitte replies: "Baby'm, don't
rush me. I don't want to do it. I
just want to be wrapped in your
arms."
Akpors calms down.
After a longer while, Akpors can't
hold it any longer.
He says,
"My heartbeat, its not fair oh!
Let's do WEEWEECHU nah! Since
last year oh!"
Ekaitte reluctantly agrees!.So Akpors immediately grabs
her closer to him, hugs her tight,
brings out the guitar strapped to
his back & they both start
singing:
"WEEWEECHU AMERI CHRISTMAS...
WEEWEECHU AMERI CHRISTMAS...
WEEWEECHU AMERI
CHRISTMAAAAAS.. . ANA A HAPPY
NU YEAR!!!!!"
NTOOOR... See ur dirty minds!
What were u thinking
WEEWEECHU was?
COMPLIMENT OF THE SEASON