PRMP Smart Jokes

THE THIRTY-ONE (31) SILENT FACTS ABOUT THE RAPTURE*



1. It is going to be the next greatest event that will shock all the continents of the world. Matt 24:40-42.



2. It is going to take place suddenly, abruptly, unexpectedly, without warning and without prior notice. 1 Thess 5:2



3. There shall be no second version of the event. 1 Thess 5:4



4. A greater percentage of Christians may be taken unawares. Matt 24:38-39



5. Careless Christians who miss the event will have no other similar gracious opportunity. Matt 13:49-50



6. The event shall have no regard or respect for ecclesiastical titles or church leadership positions. Matt 5:20



7. It shall be a day when the sheep shall be separated from the goats. Matt 25:32-33.



8. The day shall differentiate between the Broad Way Christians and the Narrow Way Christians. Matt 7:13-14



9. The day shall separate sincerity from hypocrisy. Gal 5:21



10. The day shall differentiate between those who harbour secret sins from those who abhor secret sins. Gal 5:20-21



11. The day shall separate those whose lives are hidden in Christ from those who are hiding in the church. Luke 13:27



12. The day shall show a glaring, clear, conspicuous, demarcation between Christians who walk on the path of holiness from those who walk on the path of worldliness. Heb 12:14



13. It shall be a day of double emotion: joy for some and unimaginable, indescribable, uncontrollable regrets for others. Luke 13:28



14. It shall be a day of surprises- some ig names may miss the flight while some ess known may be on board. 1 Cor 1:27



15. Another surprise may be that a man or woman who had faithfully served the Lord for many years may defile his or her garment a few minutes before the sound of that summoning trumpet and miss the flight while a notorious sinner may surrender his or her life to Jesus within the same time frame and go to heaven. Ezekiel 3:20



16. This event may happen now, today, this week, this month, this year or next year! Matt 24:36



17. Wise Christians, like the five virgins that took extra oil, are expected to get ready, yes, to get prepared. Matt 25:1-13



18. After the event, all those who are bitter against one another, malicious, unforgiving, jealous, arrogant, haters, hypocrites, drunkards, fornicators, adulterers, adulteresses, murderers with weapons and murderers with tongue etc, shall have enough time to continue in their trade. Heb 12:14-15.



19. When the event is over there shall be revival among those who have chosen to stay behind not because there will be a second chance, no, but because the reality of the event would have struck them like a thunderbolt. But they will have to pay with their own blood. 2 Tim 4:3



20. When the event is over, those who are left behind shall no longer be safe to worship in their gigantic, fanciful and multi-billion Dollars/Naira cathedrals. Instead they shall seek safety in caves, bushes and abandoned and dilapidated but hidden structures. Rev 6:15-17



21. When this great event is over, each time those who will miss their flight manage to gather for worship, they will pay attention to only one sermon- whether they gather in Africa, Asia, Australia, Europe, North or South America; the sermon will only centre on ow to Meet the Divine Standard and Join the Other Saints. Rev 14:6-7



22. It is also worthy to note that those who will be left behind will never have any business with comedians at their altars anymore. No! There shall no longer be gatherings for entertainments. Whenever, they manage to gather, it shall always be for serious religious business only. Luke 21:34



23. The prayer pattern of those who will be left behind will also undergo a radical change. They will not be praying for things anymore. They will only be praying for strength to withstand the tortures of the Anti-Christ and die bravely to join the other saints. None will be praying for jobs, marriages, etc. Rev 8:3-4



24. It is equally worthy of note that some of those who will miss their flight will not be able to endure the torture of the Anti Christ. They will receive the mark of the beast and thereby be doomed forever. Rev 14:9-11



25. When the ready saints are gone, all our denominational walls of partition will collapse. The man or woman who use to worship in Omega Fire, Jesus Chapel, Exousia Kingdom Gospel Centre, Deeper Life, for instance, will hide in the same place with those who worship in Christ Embassy, Church of God Mission, Assemblies of God, Word Aflame, Action Chapel, Winners Chapel, Lighthouse Chapel etc and nobody will remember to claim superiority anymore because then they will be facing a common enemy. Eph 4:1-6



26. When this event is over, each time believers who will miss their flight manage to gather anywhere for worship, there will be an atmosphere of sobriety. This rowdiness we witness today shall be no more. 1 Peter 4:7, 1 Peter 5:8



27. There shall also be a radical change in the attitude of those who will miss their flight towards Bible study. What we have now is an attitude characterized by a high degree of nonchalance and indifference, but when the ready saints are gone, those who will be left behind will begin to take their bible study seriously. 2 Tim 2:15



28. All the teens and youths who come to church to please their parents will repent after this great event; yes, they will begin to seek God for themselves.

Rev 19:5, Rev 20:12.



29. When the event is over, all those who will do any form of business in the schools, hospitals, banks, etc, will have to bear the mark of beast (666) or be hunted down and killed like common criminals. Rev 13:17

30. One of the gains of this reminder is that there may be someone reading this piece today who will take a firm decision to ensure that he/she gets on board that celestial flight travelling to glory.

Rev 2:7, 2:11, 2:17, 2:29, 3:6, 3:13, 3:22.

[6/13, 21:30] +234 806 153 2220: Struggle and make money in life so that your children wont be doing *donate 2k for 1million🤦‍♂🤦‍♂*
[6/13, 21:30] +234 806 153 2220: *Nothing hurt more than having boil in your two armpit. Nobody will like to borrow you money cuz u will be walking like a rich man🤣🤣🤣*

Na ur guy
[6/13, 21:31] +234 806 153 2220: *If a lady writes” am lonely and alone in the house”. Guys don't worry yourself to go there ooooooo. Am talking out of experience*

The way l pound their family fufu that day, only God knows.
🥴🥴🥴🥴🥴🥴🥴🥴🥴🥴
👨🏽‍⚕
[6/13, 22:11] +234 806 153 2220: *My neighbors wife keeps screaming every night*
*"Honey u r killing me"*
*as a matter of fact I have reported the matter to police before person die here 😡🥵*
[6/13, 22:11] +234 806 153 2220: If garri can sell more
than shawarma without
any advert, then i bliv U
can get a good man
without dressing
half naked... 🙋🙋
[6/13, 22:11] +234 806 153 2220: *I only want one girlfriend but if God gives me Five, Who am i to say no?*
😜😜🤭😁😂
[6/13, 22:11] +234 806 153 2220: *Corruption is when you fart and you still join others to look out for the one who farted.*

My brother, God will judge you..
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
👨🏽‍⚕
[6/13, 22:11] +234 806 153 2220: At the Hospital...

*DOCTOR:* why did you take your Medicine at 6 am yet I told you 9 am?

*PATIENT:* I wanted to surprise the Bacteria...
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
👨🏽‍⚕
[6/13, 22:11] +234 806 153 2220: *You are bathing and someone mistakenly open your door,,*
*what will you hide,,,,,,,*
*Me::i will hide my soap😂😂*

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
🙈
[6/13, 22:11] +234 806 153 2220: *Accounting students walk like they know the ingredients of making money*

🤣🤣🤣
[6/13, 22:11] +234 806 153 2220: *You’ve not met crazy people until you meet someone*
*who says “lol” in real life*

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
🤣
[6/13, 22:11] +234 806 153 2220: Its not like am complaining oo, but you see this adulthood ehh, they did not explain it to us very wel

[6/8, 06:38] +234 806 153 2220: Laugh Clinic😠😠😠 Some men will date a girl until the wife material in her turn into crazy jeans then leave her for Prophets
to deliver.😂😂😂😂
[6/8, 06:38] +234 806 153 2220: Cheapest Abortion is to drink two Gallons of water...the baby will drown and die😂😂😂😂😂😂😂wisdom free and fair
[6/8, 06:38] +234 806 153 2220: In an African home as soon as you're caught laughing when you're sick it means you're okay.Instantly you'll be asked to go and wash dishes😂
[6/8, 06:38] +234 806 153 2220: *A prince in UK married a divorcee but yet a broke ni**er in Ghana is looking for a virgin to marry.*

Wake up Guy's
🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄
👨🏽‍⚕
[6/8, 06:38] +234 806 153 2220: *...when you see boys for bet9ja shop, with long list of 40 games and stake #200 to win . You will understand with me that Nigerians are men of faith* 🤷‍♂.

_Gd afternoon house_
[6/8, 06:38] +234 806 153 2220: *If you see me carrying bottled water, please, greet me in English, we are not in the same category.*

It's not easy to drink bottle water.
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
👨🏽‍⚕
[6/8, 06:38] +234 806 153 2220: So because they just made you choir mistress in your church, *Almighty God* is now *Almari Gad*🙄🙄🙄
[6/8, 06:38] +234 806 153 2220: I don't even trust English
Why is it dat "Give her her book" is correct and "Give him him book is not correct"?
Pls my pple help me explain..
Is English a female?😂😂😂😂😂😂
[6/8, 06:38] +234 806 153 2220: *Fnuny tnihg abuot tihs wrtie up is taht eevn tohugh wodrs are msesed up, wathsapp adidcts can sltil raed it*
👀😂
[6/8, 06:38] +234 806 153 2220: Boys can be funny, when expecting girls to come to their house. They can even hear the footsteps of Spirits 😂
[6/8, 06:38] +234 806 153 2220: *Women will always be women, you can't take away Gossip from them. Even when they are pastors.*

They be like: "Please let's remember sister Sandra in prayers, She has HIV.
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
👨🏽‍⚕

[5/24, 22:22] +234 806 153 2220: *A LADY'S phone* INBOX

1..I luv u dear (Kingsley )
2..Can I take u out tonite? (Andrew)
3..I always feel bad when I see u with another man (Fred)
4.. Sweetie don't forget d trip (MD)
5..Darling, av u seen d credit I sent u? (Collins)
6..Honey, I will do whatever it takes just for u to be by my side (Evans)
7..Consider it done (Minister)
8..Baby, check ur a/c bal and call me back(Chairman)

*A GUY'S FONE* INBOX:....

1..Your data bundle will soon expire (MTN)
2..Hey dude, give me a break! I told u am getn married(Jane)
3..Don't u dare call me again, cheat(Patricia)
4..Am warning u 4 e last tym oo (Landlord)
5..Brother am still expecting e money for the admission form (young bro)
6..My son, how r you? Please send us some money (Mama)
7..I av nt seen my period for 2 months (Neighbour's daughter)...

With all these, you expect us, the guys to gain weight how.
🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪
👨🏽‍⚕
[5/24, 22:22] +234 806 153 2220: *What a man can do, woman can do better. Sister, we use our old boxers and singlet to do rag.*

Can you use your old pant or bra to do rag?
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
👨🏽‍⚕
[5/24, 22:22] +234 806 153 2220: *Some people will never use your photo as WhatsApp status until they hear you're dead 😭💔*

Wicked people 😏
😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏
❌
[5/24, 22:23] +234 806 153 2220: *I Gave my Daughter A Boy’s Name.*
*No One Will Want To Date A Girl Named Solomon*

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
😂
[5/24, 22:23] +234 806 153 2220: *ME:* Excuse me lady, you look familiar.
*HER:* Yes you dated me in 2012, I was dark then.

🙆🏻‍♂🙆🏻‍♂🙆🏻‍♂🙆🏻‍♂🙆🏻‍♂🙆🏻‍♂🙆🏻‍♂🙆🏻‍♂🙆🏻‍♂🙆🏻‍♂
🤣
[5/24, 22:23] +234 806 153 2220: *I will never forget the day i bought my crush Pizza and*
*then 30 minutes later her boyfriend updated status*
*” Eating Debonairs pizza with my girlfriend “*

🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔
🤔
[5/24, 22:23] +234 806 153 2220: *Nothing Is Painful Like A Lecturer Standing Behind You In An Exam Hall*
*And Says: “Some People Are Writing Nonsense” mxm

*Men are born between a woman's legs, and they spend the rest of their lives trying to get back in between them*...

Why?...

*Because there is no place like home*🙄

>>> Putting your man on your dp won't scare us✌🤤we have looked at bus conductors seriously till he thinks we've paid😄🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
>>> Ladies after washing,cleaning and cooking for your boyfriend and he say "The guy that will marry you will be so lucky" My sister hit him hard with a frying pan for manual reset🤣🤣🤣🤣
>>> A new relationship💏will make u feel ur wedding is next week👰
💔
Until d fool starts misbehavin
Den marriage postponed 😂

*♔ Of Comedy Kingdom🏅*

*MOUTHPIECE Of AFRICA🌍🎖*

*♔ MHIZTA DONFREE✍🏻A Man With A Good ❤💯🥇*
>>> Everybody is just angry and screaming in this country...
Abeg, you all should take it easy so we can hear the trumpet when it sounds jor.😂😂😂

*♔ Of Comedy Kingdom🏅*

*MOUTHPIECE Of AFRICA🌍🎖*

*♔ MHIZTA DONFREE✍🏻A Man With A Good ❤💯🥇*
>>> *I told my girlfriend I’ll take her to places she hasn’t been before and she started smiling. Now I took her to my village and she’s now frowning…*

Has she been there before?
😜😜😜😜😜😜😜😜😜😜
>>> *Africa parents will be like: Jonny remind me to beat you before we sleep*😨😨😩☹😧🤒🤒🤒😤😤😷🤒🤒👺👺
>>> My sister is preparing a stew with a chicken🐥 that slept with almost all cocks🐓 in my area😏
I will not eat that prostitute😐
>>> Only married couples should complain about cheating.....
... And not those two confused fornicators who call themselves boyfriend/girlfriend

🤔 🤔 🤔 🤔 🤔 🤔
>>> *A testimony from Obinim’s church*
*Woman:* My son's head die pass firewood but when I bought your sticker and placed it on his head, he’s the best in his class now.

*Obinim:* Abofra bra ha. 4+2-3 ɛyɛ sɛn?
*Boy:* 423
*Obinim:* Herh!! Yɛ dede!! Y3 dede kɛseɛ paa ma Jesus. Abroso ooooh Abroso✌🏻✌🏻✋✋🤝🏻.🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣