Wings

“Invite ur fears to tea !”

I read this beautiful quote few weeks ago while I was searching for some pictures to suit the weekly slow tea time article I am posting here.

I smiled when I first read it because it includes a warm cup of tea the concept that means a lot to me not only as a daily ritual but also as the name of our monthly circle that I miss a lot and of course the idea of this weekly article.

I smiled more when I saw that this sentence was part of a love notes card deck created by Kris Carr the same author of the book I was reading and I mentioned here last week: “I’m not a mourning person.” (You may swipe to check the love note card.)

Those small magical moments that many people call coincidences are actually part of my daily blissful and awe moments that leave a smile of gratitude on my face no matter what I am passing through.

Back to our sentence here: Invite your fears to tea ! How warm is that?

When we talk about our fears, it usually comes with a certain heaviness mixed with anxiety and uncertainty not to mention the endless ways our body speaks out when we are in fear.

I stopped and kept staring at this quote while holding my cup of tea and it truly invited me to a beautiful reflection as If I was truly inviting my fears to a date to sit and talk over a cup of tea without even intending to do so on that day and on that exact moment.

Awkward right?! To invite in what or whom we don’t feel comfortable to face or to be with. Just why not trying?

At that period, I was taking new decisions regarding my journey and our daughter’s journey. Despite the deep inner voice that was guiding me so clearly and the certitude my heart was granting me, one day, I woke up in trepidation. Am I really doing the right thing? A heaviness started to build up. I closed my eyes, rubbed my hands well, placed them on my heart, took some deep breaths and I asked for divine guidance.

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“Check yourself before you wreck yourself.”

This sentence came to my attraction as I was resuming reading a book I started last summer and I suddenly stopped it due to some sickness I went through for a week or so.

During the war, it was still in my books, coloring books, diary and gratitude notebook bag I take with me wherever I go. I tried several times to resume it but I couldn’t. I picked other books I had with me, I also couldn’t read. My whole nervous system was not able to focus on that although reading was my loyal savior and my comforting companion as a child during all the wars I have witnessed.

On Christmas, my daughter offered me a book I was putting on my list. By beginning of January, I started to read it. Few pages and I stopped. I felt bad. What is going on with me? I am a person who can’t live without reading. I used to read 2 to 3 books per month. What has changed? I left it on my rocking chair until one day I felt I am badly ready to re-open it and to resume reading it the suddenly out of the blue I found myself so immersed by it that I couldn’t stop. I was daily excited to finish my house chores and my homeschooling shift with my daughter to just sit and read. And just like this. I finished it in around 5 days. My appetite for reading re-emerged. I was grateful.

I started to ask myself which book shall I start now? I gave myself few days to allow what I just finished reading to sink in as it brought lots of thoughts and it took me to so many depths.

On Sunday, I decided to open the bag I did not open since November 27. The day the so-called ceasefire took place in Lebanon. I unpacked all our bags except this one. I knew there was a certain resistance. When I finally opened it, I saw all the books I packed with me and I saw the book I stopped reading in summer. I decided to resume it. While opening to see where I have stopped, I found a paper on which I wrote so many notes along with 20 dollars. I smiled. Where did it come from?

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How can we heal from all what we have witnessed the last 15 months?

How can we heal from all what we heard, seen, experienced, lived and re-lived?

How can we heal from all what we have witnessed in Gaza? From all what we have experienced in Lebanon? From all what we have seen in Syria? From all what we have heard about Sudan and Yemen?

Are we supposed to simply forget and move on?

Are we different because we are not being able to overcome it all in few days, few weeks or months?

Are we exaggerating for feeling exhausted, drained, tired and sad? For having sudden waves of intense tears? For losing interest in getting back to the so-called normal life? For not feeling motivated at times? For experiencing physical pain? For having nightmares? For not being able to socialize?

Are we the negative ones as people around us are labelling us? Are we playing the victimhood role?

Are we the ones people are fed up with their stories just because we chose to continuously stand with justice and to use our voices in the right way?

Are we the very sensitive people just because we were feeling the pain of our brothers and sisters and we couldn’t pretend that nothing is going on, it is just a war or not even our war?

No, we are not any of those.

We are normal human beings who have simply chose to feel and right now we are grieving !

We are the human beings who are trying to heal and to seek a gentle soul retrieval after all the losses and the intense sadness and pain that hit us in low and high waves.

We are the people who chose to stand in the right side of history and right now we are taking our time to rest and to process.

We are the sisters and the brothers who chose to root for each others in order to expand our interconnectedness through our deep roots facing all the chaos perpetrated by the colonialism in all its shapes and forms.

We are the ones who chose to see the truth and to speak the truth and now we are just resting to process it all gently, one thing at a time with ease and self-compassion.

We are resting because there is time for everything. For now, It is time for a gentle restfulness we all deserve !

Mireille

*Artist Credit: Rodica Anestiadi*