MyLil.One

Everyday is a new learning !! Came across this powerful perspective for Moms of toddlers and preschoolers!!
There is no such thing as fake communication. Let's try to meet the child's communication with empathy and support them with attention and connection 💞💞

A truly insightful perspective on Whining.
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"Whining is universally considered one of the most irritating sounds in the world. This is not an accident! Research shows that whining is the perfect sound for eliciting a fast response from parents. It is almost impossible to ignore. Our children have developed to make a sound like this because their needs at that moment really are urgent. We’re not supposed to be ignoring them!

Whining is often a pre-schooler’s most efficient means of communication. It is an important milestone on the way to being able to communicate their needs entirely by speech.
When we bring home our newborn baby we understand that crying is their only means to communicate with us. Toddlers and pre-schoolers are well on their way to adding speech to their list of tools, but have not yet developed enough to use these tools in moments of feeling powerless or unheard. This is when we will hear them whine.

If we can hold on to that same understanding we had when they were babies – that they are communicating to the very best of their abilities – we will be far better equipped to take a measured approached when moving forwards to meet their needs.
For this reason we are best not to follow the often spouted advice of “tell them to use a big voice” or “let them know you can’t understand them”. Trust in your children that they are already speaking as well as they can in that moment, and that asking them to do better will only increase their feelings of powerlessness or being unheard.

Instead we can tell our children what we *do* understand from their message. We understand that they are having a hard time and need our help. Whining isn’t really about the ball or the cookie or wrong coloured plate. It is a representation of a deeper need. Meet their whining with empathy and try evaluate the need that lays buried underneath their requests for help. Is your child hungry, tired, bored or over-stimulated?
If they aren’t any of these it is likely they are needing nothing more than your full attention and the time taken to connect.

A common myth is that whining can be used as a means of manipulation or that our children can be “fake whining”. There really is no such thing as fake communication. A request for attention is a genuine need and offering our children that attention in difficult times lets them know that they will always have our support and helps build on healthy attachment.

If we are starting to feel like our children are whining all day long that is a perfect sign that we need to put aside some extra time for one on one connection and for making sure we have reached their emotional needs."

- Lisa Clarke
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