AMU Confessions

#16037

Alright guys. Suggestions time.
I liked a boy for almost 8 years and we began talking 1.5 yrs back only (on and off), the compatibility was tailor made, and he talked to his mother twice about me but she said no. I told my mother as well. The guy was struggling and wasn't employed yet.. So his mother's stance was justified...
The level of my attachment to him is beyond explanation...I can't seem to think about anyone else.. I even told him that I'd wait it out but he ultimately left.. I wouldn't say he was a bad guy bcz he was having a really hard time, being unemployed in late twenties must be pressurizing for men. He taught me thousands of good things and the best thing I've learnt from him is taqwa..so I'd say it was not a loss at all bcz I'm on my way to find God alhamdulillah..only bcz of the guidance I got through him. He was a good man. I've not seen a more beautiful man inside and out.. And it's so painful to give up on the biggest desire I've ever had for myself in terms of duniya, which would have bettered my akhirah as well..
And I struggle time and again with my feelings bcz they don't follow logic, and I find it really consuming sometimes. I cry like psychos. In the bathroom, in the classroom, on prayer mat and whatnot.
Whatever we had, it's over, and we've parted ways for once and all..
Any suggestion or advice would be helpful..
And please pray for my peace.
Jazakallah.


It is very touching to see how you have stayed so strong and faithful during such a difficult time. You are showing great character by focusing on your faith and the good influence this person had on your spiritual life, even while you are sad about the breakup.
​Please know that your feelings are completely normal. You are grieving the loss of the future you imagined, a close bond, and someone you really respected. Being sad is just part of being human.
​May Allah bring peace to your heart, turn your sadness into contentment, and reward your patience with a future even better than you ever hoped for. Ameen.

#16034

Ye mardo ki mohabbat ladki k haan karte hi badal kyu jati hai aur mohabbat ka saboot hado ko par karna hi kyu hota hai??
This man was after me for about 3 years wooing me with his love.. He WAS understanding, supportive... with time I fell for him and said yes and last month we got engaged formally... Hamari shadi ki date November mai fix hui hai... Ab jab sab formal ho gaya hai to problem shuru hui hai ya ab asli nature samne araha hai... Wo jo understanding nature tha wo badal gaya hai.. Ab har baat par galat matlab nikala jata hai, har cheez jo mai pehle karti thi wo ab kharab hai, dusro se comparison hone laga hai... I thought work pressure hoga, zimmedari hai inka asar hota hai.. Lekin ye ab har baar ka hai..ek controlled schedule har kaam ka... Yaha tak k shadi k baad mayeke ane ka bhi fix kar dia hai ye bol k ki mayke ki zimmedari bhai ki hai tumhe zada pareshan hone ki zarurat nahi, tum bas mujhe khush rakha karo.. Khush karne ka tareeka??? Pictures bhejo, video call par khud ko dikhao...aur mana karne par gussa, narazgi, mangni todne ki dhamki, badnami ki dhamki.. Phir emotional karna k tum mujhe mohabbat nahi karti mai tumhara hone wala shohar hu... I told my mom about it (not about pictures and video calls), she said zadatar mard ka mizaaj aurat ko kaboo karne ka hota hai.. Use wahi aurat achchi lagti hai jise wo apne khwaish ka qaidi bana k rakhe, tabhi uski anaa ko taskeen hoti hai.. Aur is burai ko koi burai na samajhta hai na hi kehta hai.. Aur jo aurat bolegi wo buri aurat kehlati hai.. She said abhi adjust karne ki koshish karo, abhi shadi mai time hai.. Lekin meri samajh nahi araha kaise adjust karu... Iske liye to mujhe apne dil dimag ko marna padega.. Aisi khokhli mohabbat kyu hoti hai mard ki jo aurat ko bewakoof samajhte hai aur khud ko uska malik... Sirf isliye k mard k pass talaq deke aurat ko nikalne ka haq hai?? Kitna adjust karna chahiye mujhe aur mohabbat k naam par kab tak?? Mard ki mohabbat kya bas dusri ladki na dekhne tak hai aur ye support, understanding bas ladki k haan karne se pehle tak hi hoti hai?

#16032

Salaam
I want to ask men and women who are part of arranged marriages, how do you feel and deal with it, when you find out that your spouse wanted to marry someone else but couldn't for some reasons and is still emotionally attached to that person (not in contact) while still performing his/her marriage duties properly. And I'm specifically asking this question to religious people, who think they're God conscious or at least on their way to God consciousness.


Salam Saab.