Gil The Grid

Phoenix Lament

I currently find myself in a peculiar situation. Over the past six months, I have traveled through more than 12 different countries, with more to come. On one hand, I feel incredibly fortunate to have created a life that allows me to do this. On the other hand, I constantly face expectations from people who want things from me. They often express what they believe is best for me or where I should go next.

There are so many things that people tell me I cannot be that I wonder: What can I be? There’s a prevailing notion that I’ve picked up from others, suggesting I cannot be more than one “thing.” I can’t be a dancer and a teacher; I can’t be both.

By traveling so much, I find myself in unique spaces, which might seem beautiful at first. However, this uniqueness often leads to being either questioned or, at times, glorified, which can feel dehumanizing. Carving a path that doesn’t exist creates a lot of space for freedom and creativity, yet it also brings obstacles, projections, fear, and misunderstanding.

Unraveling my potential and the various roles I can take on goes hand in hand with burning bridges, challenging the status quo, and finding like-minded people who share similar questions and curiosities. Since I was little, I have struggled with the ongoing battle of not reducing myself due to the narrow minds or insecurities of others. Striving to shine as brightly as I can is my goal, but it’s harder than one might think.

I once read a powerful quote: “Go where you are celebrated, not tolerated.” It’s an ongoing journey of trial and error—of meeting potential and confronting limitations—a path I presume to call life. I aim to unfold myself as I discover the many faces and attributes I have and can gain. As I burn the old and create space for the new, I strive to find growth and clarity, meeting new versions of myself every day.

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