Pure Derry

I hate using this page to be negative, but the traffic in town today was a total disgrace. Everyone from the city knows O'Neills Foyle Cup brings additional traffic to our roads, and that's absolutely fine by us. We're all behind the Foyle Cup and what it brings to the town. But allowing major roadworks to coincide with a big public event that is known to place additional stress on traffic flow, is really poor form, especially so close on the heels of the Open in Portrush, which magically seemed to chase the traffic cones for a few days.

I hear it's to change tomorrow following public pressure, and rightly so! Uppa Foyle Cup!

DFI OPENS POTHOLE THEMED FUNPARK AT FORT GEORGE

Following Mark Durkan’s revelations that the Department For Infrastructure have NO plans to fix the Strand Road for another DECADE, Stormont chiefs have announced a revolutionary new idea to fund road repairs in the city - by opening a pothole themed funpark at Fort George.

“As you can see, the entire surface here is really dodgy, poorly maintained and badly in need of investment” explained DFI spokesman, Phil McCracken.

“And if we turn around and look over at Fort George now too, we’ll see it’s almost exactly the same!” he continued.

“It’s the perfect site to launch our new ‘Pothole World’ experience, which will let local families safely enjoy the full pothole experience without damaging their rims, swearing like f***, or being hit by a car”

All the money generated at Pothole World will go toward fixing the Strand Road, which otherwise is not due to be resurfaced until 2034.

“It’s not exactly the plan I had in mind when I wrote to DFI” admitted Foyle MLA, Mark Durkan. “But if it brings in the money needed to fix the roads, then perhaps local people will support it”

People have already started to flock to the temporary theme park, which opened swiftly today to capitalise on the rare sighting of the big warm yellow thing in the sky, and offering lots of fun pothole based activities including waterslides, jacuzzis, plunge pools and bouncy castles.

“Aw, it’s been class craic” explained local mother of five, Anita Babysitter. “My wains have been splashing about in and dive bombing into potholes for hours on end. We haven’t had this much craic in a dirty wee hole since we went to Strabane"

PotHole World is open this weekend, costing £10 per person. Or £30 for a family pass.

“If Derry people want their roads fixed, then our response now is the same as it’s been for years” admitted Phil McCracken from DFI. “Slide on folks!”

Unsure if this is genuine or taking the hand outta someone, (hence the blurred out number), but spotted this out in this wild yesterday 😂

Can confirm it wasn't me (Sorry ladies 🙃). But like, is Derry Tinder that bad these days? ♂♀

Maybe Dear Majella's Lonelyhearts needs to make a wee comeback? 🤔