Sweat MTL

To my fellow qu**rs who own or work in q***r-owned businesses, both in the for-profit and non-profit sectors — I highly recommend becoming part of the . They’re doing powerful work to support the q***r economy in ways I didn’t even know existed. After hitting numerous barriers, searching for mentorship, funding, and support that’s truly by us, for us, I’ve finally found a hub filled with incredible resources. I’m so grateful I took the opportunity to experience it firsthand.

Being q***r has meant living through devastating moments — ones I know I’ll never fully heal from in this lifetime. And that’s just the reality. That truth has often made it incredibly hard to fully exist in all areas of life. Despite the many challenges I’m proud to have overcome, the pain still lives in every part of my DNA. I don’t know a single person in my community who hasn’t felt erasure of our identity. We’ve been removed from our faith and religion. Poorly represented in all iterations relationships, be it platonic, romantic and sexual. Non-existent for so long in the work place. Not seeing yourself in the world around you is a constant reminder that revealing yourself as q***r is a risk. And now, once again, we are facing an uprise of danger because of our gender and for simply loving who we love.

As someone who often bridges the gap between communities, I frequently find myself on the front lines — educating those who’ve never experienced what it means to be born into a q***r body. Convincing people that we are still living in terrifying times — despite the progress we’ve made — can be exhausting. And at times, it’s made me feel like it might be easier to just agree, stay quiet, and blend in.

But those who know me know I am far from silent — and blending in was never an option, even if I tried. And so, as I sit here eating a criminally overpriced meal at Pearson Airport on my way home from this really special two day summit, I reflect on the last 48 hours — having immersed myself in a world I didn’t even know existed — and now I get to carry this fuel forward, energized by new friends and connections made through the CGLCC.

From the bottom of my heart, thank you.

Feb 14, 2024

WOW

I’ve spent the last hour thinking back on a moment in time when my surroundings reflected very little of the life I wanted to live and how that kept me in a spiral of disconnect and
dis-regulation. Moving forward into the present and witnessing all that has come to be is incredibly satisfying and this life I’m living is something I’m deeply proud of and incredibly grateful for.

Two years ago today was when I first opened the doors to . Since then, we have all grown collectively on multiple planes both as individuals and as a community. The connections I see and feel here in this space have filled my heart with everything I’ve ever wanted and as I stand among all of you that have joined me in the movement, I can say confidently that non of this happed without your love.

My dream is that the energy we bring into this place is intentional. We are here for growth, expansion, exploration, resilience and to co-create a world where we foster this energy and then amplify it so that we can share it bravely.
Thank you for proving that my dream is possible and that we can lift and smash and squat and press heavy s**t in ways that go way beyond the binary!

I love you.
Happy Valentine’s Day everyone
❤️‍🔥

* MY FORST ATTEMT AT THIS POST GOT TAKEN DOWN CUZ THE MY ASS IS A VIOLATION ACCORDING TO INSTAGRAM 🤪 Anyways, here’s a less threatening second attempt!

I guess you can say that Ive had a pretty good mix of luck, privilege, opportunity, adversity and support. Along with that, I have an unimaginable amount of energy that lends to my capacity for discomfort. Landing in this body has gotten me quite far considering how long I lived without believing in myself. I honestly have moments that I’m shocked I’ve made it here.

I wish I had been able to figure a few things out sooner but that’s a feeling wrapped in a belief that my life is supposed to follow a timeline that I don’t actually buy into.

So this goes out to everyone but especially for the so called “rebels” and “late bloomers” who have found themselves waiting for their turn to take a swing. I know how it feels to be waiting for that perfect pitch but waiting won’t get you to where you need to be :) It’s rough out there. I know. But baby, every day there’s a pitch just waiting for a sw***er like you to step up and give it all you got. There’s a lot of balls out there for everyone to play with, and what you don’t want, is the regret that comes from not making your move. That regret can unravel into giant pile of s**t that nobody wants be stuck in cleaning up.

So I’ve decided to screw this idea of a new year new me. I don’t need any pressure of a particular sunrise on the first of January to tell
me that I need to buck up and be better. I’m fine. And so are you. And I love you. And I hope that you can take a chance to prove that you’ve got what it takes to treat everyday like a perfect pitch. If the pitch means today is the day to rest, DO IT. If today is the day for a grand slam, THEN HIT IT YOU WILD AND SEXY BEAST! HIT IT AND DON’T LOOK BACK!

To all of you that love me, thanks for putting up with my Heidi-isms! I couldn’t do any of this with you.
🌱 ✌🏼

Dear Dallas, it’s been a month since I said goodbye to you and although I like to tell myself that I can feel you around me all the time, I’ve had some moments since you’ve left, that seem so destabilizing that in those instances I don’t know where to look so that I can feel you again.

What I’m trying, is give myself the space, time and permission to unravel, fall apart, crack, open, melt down, explode, weep uncontrollably, feel anger and rage, and disassociate into a void filled by only one reality in which you and I never have to live a day without the others living body close by.

Your death isn’t the only thing going on in my life these days. You know this first hand, having lived with me all of these years that we never actually get to live just one thing at a time. Even mourning the loss of you needs to exist amongst all of the other wild challenges that life generously presents us with.

Being grateful for my ability remain healthy in times like these, does not eliminate how f**king hard it is… and so, being a brand new business owner, navigating all the unknowns of being a q***r entrepreneur in a system that’s always centred and given preference to normative models of happiness and success, trying to rewrite what it means to be in intimate relationships that are either platonic, romantic, sexual, or fluidly flowing in and around all of those dynamics, finding balance within those external relationships and the relationship I hold deep within myself, and then also simply trying to show up as real as possible while doing all I can to minimize the amount of hurt and pain that will inevitably seep into my experience, feels way bigger since you’ve been gone.

A break would be nice.

Rarely will I admit that I feel like I’m crumbling because I’m afraid that the people around me will loose trust in my ability to work, lead, love and live. Being visibly and authentically sad in a world that favours and rewards superficial positivity is a way of being political. Its not a cry for help or a need for attention. I’m just a guy trying figure out how to be real and still feel like there’s space for me out there… ya know?

✌🏼