Ficus creative studio

{8/10}⁠⠀
I built Ficus up as a labour of love. ⁠⠀
I loved it. ⁠⠀
I cried for it. ⁠⠀
I gave myself completely to it. ⁠⠀
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It sort of loved me back. Mostly it was a great mirror for how much work I had to do to value myself, truly own my gifts, use my voice, and find my way to worth on a long path that started well before my entrepreneurial journey.⁠⠀
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We choose different vessels to do our work. Mine just happened to be in my work. ⁠⠀
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Every interaction I had, every move it caused me to make, every time I had to defend my worth, every excruciatingly uncomfortable conversation I had to have. ⁠Every time I elated at something I created, every time I felt immense gratitude of how I could be so lucky to do what I do every day, with amazing clients who trusted me completely with their vision. Every time I talked with my team and realized that I had people that supported me dearly, and I could support them back. ⁠⠀
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What a gift.⁠⠀
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{5/10}⁠⠀
We abandon the reasons we started our business in the first place because we believe we need to do it X way in order to find success… “It’s the ONLY way”, they say! ⁠⠀
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We can’t say no to a potential client because that would be absolutely absurd… even if every fibre of our being is screaming and pleading with us not to do it. ⁠⠀
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The client is always right so we must listen to them, and give them what they want… even if it’s not even really what we do. ⁠⠀
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And slowly all of these little acts of abandonment arrive you at a place of exhaustion and lost identity. Your vision and mission seem miles away and like a distant mirage that you’ll never reach. Your well is dry and you are desperate to drink anything that feels real. You consider going back to a 9-5 on more than one occasion but quickly realize that is just further abandonment of your already lost soul.⁠⠀
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{4/10}⁠⠀
But there’s something far more interesting that happens on the journey of being an entrepreneur… the worthiness we feel within ourselves. ⁠⠀
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At first it starts externally. Measuring our success by how hard we can push, how many projects we can take on, how full our schedule is… wearing busy like a badge of honour. We figure if we distract ourselves with external success we’ll start to feel that shift of internal worthiness naturally build. And it does… a little. ⁠⠀
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But in reality most of the time a fuller schedule just equals higher anxiety levels, less time to actually work on your worth, and poor care of our health and relationships… mentally, emotionally, physically, sexually, spiritually. ⁠⠀
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Until we break. ⁠⠀
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There’s a point where you’ve lost everything of your former self. You don’t know who you are but your work anymore. It defines you. ⁠⠀
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You live, eat, drink, breathe and sleep it. Literally. It becomes the energy you thrive on. Running yourself ragged without even realizing it because you feel so entangled with this entity that you have created. You become it. You are it. It feeds you, and you it. You will stop at nothing to keep it going for the demise of it means the demise of you… or so you think.⁠⠀
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{3/10}⁠⠀
It’s the most beautiful and most terrifying thing. Betting on yourself. All it takes is that little moment of courage + confidence to say to the world… ⁠⠀
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“Here is who I am.”⁠⠀
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"This is what I do."⁠⠀
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"And this is how I do it.”⁠⠀
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“I love it, and believe in it and me enough in this very moment that I think I can make a go at this. I am willing to push aside everything I have been told about safety and security and playing by society's rules. I am willing to make a fool of myself and have my heart broken and put myself out there bare and open and ready for ridicule on the off chance that this might amount to something beyond my wildest dreams… being validated that my idea + my skill is worthy to the world.”⁠⠀
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And so we do it. We put it out in a post or we start sheepishly telling friends. We put together a website and a logo that we’re satisfied with {for now}. We create write-ups for our services, come up with prices that are often too low, and we set to work for anything and everyone.⁠⠀
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We sacrifice sleep and meals and time with loved ones. We stare at screens until our eyes bleed, and curl up into a ball in the shower and cry a little… or a lot. ⁠⠀
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We have dance parties when things go our way, and get utterly elated at the idea of a new client or project or sale. ⁠⠀
⁠*Ding* another badge of worthiness comes our way from the world.⁠⠀
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